Mom's words, not mine

There's someone who Tweets "Shit my dad says," and the comments are hilarious. It made me think that my mom says some pretty funny stuff. Her comments are a bit more verbose than Twitter's 140 allowed characters so instead, I'll share her comments with you, here. Keep in mind that mom will be 78 in December. She's able to get around, and she drives. She goes to the grocery store on Saturday mornings, often she comes back with stories.

One Saturday, she arrived home and as she often is, she was perplexed with her shopping experience. Our closest grocery store is Jewel. It's a regional chain, our store is one of their smaller stores. As you can imagine, Saturdays are busy days in the store. Apparently at the point she arrived, so did a van carrying handicapped adults, most of whom were in scooters. The scene, as she described it is as follows:

"I'm just trying to get my shopping done, I wanted to get in, get my groceries and come home. The aisles are small, and I kept running into these people on those damn scooters. I know I'm slow but COME ON, why do they have to be here when the entire neighborhood is shopping? I got to the end of one aisle and there's one of them, he's a big one, and he's slumped over in his scooter. I thought maybe he was dead. I said "excuse me," then said it again but he didn't move. I needed to get past him. The sticker on the back of his scooter read "I MATTER." I finally pushed through with my cart and said "I MATTER TOO, NOW GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED WAY!" I was so mad."

I would like to say that I was stunned, but this is typical. I just said "mom, you did NOT say that to him!" She paused and finally said "well, no...BUT I WANTED TO!"

I think she would have, had she waited much longer.

Miss Baltimore Crabs

(article courtesy of TheaterMania.com)

Belinda Carlisle to Star in West End Hairspray

Pop singer Belinda Carlisle will take on the role of Velma Von Tussle in the award-winning West End production of the musical Hairspray at the Shaftesbury Theatre, beginning on October 26.

As of that date, the cast will include Phill Jupitus (Edna), Chloe Hart (Tracy), Sharon D. Clarke (Motormouth Maybelle), Verity Rushworth (Penny), Liam Tamme (Link), Adrian Hansel (Seaweed), Tony Timberlake (Wilbur), Nicola Brazil (Amber), Gavin Alex (Corny), and Raquel Jones (Little Inez).

Based on the hit film by John Waters, Hairspray has music by Marc Shaiman, lyrics by Shaiman and Scott Whitman, and a book by Mark O'Donnell and Thomas Meehan. The production is directed by Jack O'Brien.

I really want to go to London now. My luck, I'd get there and she would have an understudy for the day. LOL

Random Act of Kindness

Tonight, while doing laundry, I stopped at Starbucks for a refreshing iced beverage. For most of the summer, Starbucks has been giving out a "treat receipt," meaning if you make a purchase before 2:00 pm, they give you a receipt that acts as a coupon, granting you any grande iced beverage for $2.00. Since every morning starts at Starbucks, I had a receipt. Unfortunately it wasn't with me, it was at home on my night table because I had emptied my pockets before going to do laundry. A woman heard me concede that I didn't have my receipt and offered me hers. She didn't need it, she opted for a warm beverage tonight. Her gesture was so nice and so random. It made my night.

Sometime this week, perform a random act of kindness for someone. Tell me about it!

Things You Don't Want to See on a Sunday Morning

Yesterday morning I got up and took a walk to my Starbucks to relax and have a cup of coffee. I lingered, watching people go by, looking at the dogs parked outside while their owners came in for their caffeine fix. It was cool but a pretty day. But I had sat there long enough and it was time for me to move on and do something productive with my day.

I approached the intersection of Ashland and Bryn Mawr and heard the sound of screeching tires. I looked up and saw a silver SUV approaching the intersection, apparently attempting to stop. In front of him was a man on his bicycle, stopped at the center of the intersection, perhaps waiting to turn. Well, the SUV didn't stop in time and the bike was hit, the man flew off the bike and went down hard. The SUV stopped, the driver jumped out and the man on the bike was screaming in agony. I called 911, while I was on the phone, others approached and were apparently doing the same thing. At this point, there were people in the intersection helping the cyclist, advising him to stay still. He appeared to not be seriously injured, but I'm sure he's covered in bruises today. it could have been much worse. First, a police car arrived, then a fire truck, then an ambulance. It all happened pretty quickly. I didn't wait to see what, if anything happened to the driver of the SUV. I'm just relieved it wasn't worse.

Thankfully the remainder of my Sunday was much less eventful.

Anatomy of a cake

For Dan's birthday, each of us decided on a dish to bring for dinner. I decided that I would make dessert. The plan was to bake a birthday cake knowing that I'm close enough to a few decent bakeries that if I messed it up, I could still bring a cake.

Baking isn't an issue for me. It's the decorating process that I found daunting. Originally my friend Steve was going to be my teacher, but the weekend we were going to have the party was switched so I was on my own. Below are the various stages of the cake.


The recipe was one from Cooks Illustrated Magazine. It was simple but from the ingredients I could tell that the finished product would be moist, thus making a good layer cake. This cake would be a two layer cake.


I decided on a chocolate icing, and a raspberry filling. Below, I've created an outer border of chocolate icing and I'm adding the raspberry preserves.


Layers are stacked and the cake is frosted.

Now the decorating begins. To contrast the chocolate color, I chose a light blue. Slowly I added gel coloring, and this was my final result.

Before actually writing on the cake, I practiced on waxed paper. I had never worked with a decorating bag, I've never written in icing.

Next up was the outer border. I haven't quite mastered the star tip to where I can create the peaks and valleys but I think it looks pretty good. Okay, there's a spot to the right that's kind of messy...

The cake was actually finished at Dan and Luis' house. I had to wait until I placed it on the pedestal to add the blue bottom border. Again, my technique isn't perfected, so it's one big strand.

After a delicious dinner and a walk, Tina and I put the candles on the cake and brought it out.

When we all sat down to eat, I was pleased that the cake was moist, full of flavor and it held together. I don't mean to brag, but it was delicious. It was a lot of work but also great fun, and worth it.

I'm on Tour

Saturday, I bought myself a new toy - The Blackberry Tour!


I kid you not, I think cell phones are internally programmed to fail at about the time the contract is set to expire or at the point where a customer can upgrade. Truth be told, I was beginning to have a problem reading the display on my phone. With my contact lenses in, I need reading glasses to see small print. My arms were no longer long enough to hold the phone at a distance where I could read it.

Dan recently upgraded to a Blackberry. He seems to like it. Again, I followed his lead and decided to make the switch. My previous phone was the same phone as his, except mine was orange. I got it not long after he got his. I almost got one the last time I was due for a phone but they seemed too big at the time. The Tour is wider than my last phone but it's thinner.

I have no clue what I'm doing with it. I've figured out how to make and receive calls. I even figured out how to send text messages and picture messages. I've updated my contact list. I downloaded an application for Facebook so all of my contacts with Facebook now have their facebook pictures in my phone. I'm still learning, it'll be a while. It's fun. It's no iPhone but I think I like this just fine.

Now if I can just figure out why it vibrates from time to time...

Perhaps I'm Getting Old

When I was a teenager, I liked clothes. I actually still liked clothes, but when I was a teenager I actually cared about brands and labels and what was current. In my 20's I cared a bit less, though I did my best to stay current. I did the same in my 30's but I had a few things that I considered basics that I hung on to that may or may not have been in style. Now that I'm in my 40's I purchase a few things each season to stay current but I'm also looking at whether they'll last for a while.

There are some trends that I don't understand. One in particular is the billboard style branding of sweatpants; more specific is the plastering of a brand name or slogan across someone's ass. To me the purpose of that is to draw attention to the wearer's ass. I require no help looking at a nice ass. I'm pretty good at finding them, then appreciating them when I do. If I'm with a friend, I'll direct their attention towards it, I'm giving in that way. What I don't need is to see "BABYDOLL" or "APPLE BOTTOM" or "PUMA" plastered across someone's rump.

Why am I mentioning this? Well today, while having lunch, I watched a family - Dad, mom and their young daughter, perhaps 3 years old, walking outside. The daughter was wearing track pants with "PUMA" across the back. I found that to be in very poor taste. It's fine if a grownup wants to be a human billboard, but I don't think it's right to dress a child like that. Like I said, maybe I'm just getting old.

What do you think? Do you care about fashion? Would you be a backside billboard? Would you let your kids be one?