Dancing With the Stars - Season 9 Premiere - part 1

It's BACK! Tonight, the Men will dance!

Corny opening number “The Boys Are Back in Town” the male pro dancers (who will dance with their partners tomorrow night) did a routine. Maks looks great, Jonathan looks adorable as always.

The proper intro/descent from the big staircases took place, all of the couples made their entrance. Just judging how some of them came down the stairs, it’s going to be an interesting season. Chuck Lidell, Tom Delay and Macy Gray are going to be train wrecks. Kathy Ireland looks clunky but pretty.

Tonight the men will dance twice, the first dance with their partner, the second dance as a relay with three other couples. Each will do a ballroom dance and a Latin dance. The relay dance will not be individually scored by each judge, but they will be ranked, with an added score (1st = 10, 2nd = 8, 3rd = 6, 4th = 4); that score will be added to their individual score. Total score for the night is listed next to my critique for the first dance, notes on the second (relay) dance at the end.

Aaron Carter/Karina Smirnoff – Cha-Cha-Cha – Posture isn’t great, kind of wormy movements, footwork is sort of flat. Len sees potential and called him stiff. Bruno sees potential but says too much energy. Carrie Ann said “excellent” but feet were funky. 22/30 + 10 = 32 for the night.

Chuck Lidell/Anna Trebunskaya – Fox Trot – Stiff, probably nerves, but not horrible…oh wait, yeah, he is. When he’s holding her and letting her lead, he’s OK. When they’re apart, it’s messy. Bruno called it rough. Carrie Ann said “not graceful but smooth and charming.” Len said “better than I thought it would be, would like to see him work on grace.” 16/30 + 6 = 22 for the night.

Mark Decascos/Lacey Schwimmer – Cha-Cha-Cha – Of course a Kung Fu theme. Nice hip moves, good arms. Sexy. Maybe a tad stiff. Carrie Ann is concerned about the arms. Len called them out on the Kung Fu and said he doesn’t want to see it in other dances, said feet were “dodgy.” Bruno said timing was off and saw need for improvement in footwork. 21/30 + 8 = 29 for the night.

Ashley Hamilton/Edyta Silwinska – Fox Trot – not very exciting. He’s tall, probably makes him look even more stiff. Len saw correct footwork, but said it was rough. Bruno said lack of showmanship and rough. Carrie Ann said that he failed to “define himself.” 15/30 + 4 = 19 for the night.

Donny Osmond/Kym Johnson – Fox Trot – I’ll start by saying that he doesn’t have a single line in his forehead! Okay, the showman is showing his stuff. This one will be scored high. He’s good. Bruno faulted posture. Carrie Ann agreed. Len called it too theatrical. 20/30 + 10 = 30 for the night.

Louie Vito/Chelsie Hightower – Fox Trot – Okay, he’s a total stoner. He’ll be fun to watch. He’s kind of cute. He looks like a little boy trying to emulate big boy moves. Kind of stiff but not horrible. Oh he just stumbled a bit. Safe and nice. Carrie Ann enjoyed it, critiqued the feet a bit. Len said technique was good and enjoyed it. Bruno said it lacked fluidity, sees potential. 19/30 + 8 = 27 for the night.

Michael Irvin/Anna Demadova – Cha-Cha-Cha – Really trying to work the hips, but he’s not. Wow is he stiff. He doesn’t seem to have much sense of rhythm. Okay, loosening up a bit towards the end. Bleh. Len wasn’t fond of it, said it needed more content. Bruno said it was poor (footwork, timing, content). Carrie Ann agrees with Len, said there was lack of content and blamed the pro. 13/30 + 6 = 19 for the night.

Tom Delay/Cheryl Burke – Cha-Cha-Cha – He nauseates me with his comments as he’s rehearsing. Something about looking like a sissy. Eww..watching him shake his diapered butt is gross. Cheryl choreographed a safe dance for him. He’s got the steps but no flourish. Eww…more butt shaking. Bruno called him crazier than Sarah Palin. Said the dancing wasn’t too bad. Carrie Ann called it surreal and said he has a natural grace. Len said part magic, part tragic. 16/30 + 4 = 20 for the night.

Salsa Relay – Chuck, Ashley, Donny and Louie. - Ashley’s arms are like rubber bands, but his body is stiff. Chuck is a bit intense but better than his ballroom dance. Donny has the moves. Louie came out doing flips and has the body movements. 4th is Ashley, 3rd is Chuck, 2nd is Louie, 1st is Donny. Points added above.

Viennese Waltz Relay – Aaron, Mark, Michael and Tom. - Aaron has very big moves but looks good. Mark is looking very precise and refined. Tom looks like a dirty old crook. Michael looks lost but has a huge smile. 4th is Tom, 3rd is Michael, 2nd is Mark, 1st is Aaron. Points added above.