Monday, December 13, 2010

Monday 12/13/10

(This was a post I wrote a couple weeks ago. Why am I sharing it now? Because I've shared everything else up to this point. Unsure if it will actually post in order or land at the top of the list. )

Today was an interesting day. I woke up feeling like I was in a haze, as if I had dreamt the entire weekend. When I was in the bathroom shaving, I realized that none of what I remembered was part of a dream. Reality set in and I was bummed.

During the drive to work, Mariah Carey's Christmas song "All I Want for Christmas is You" was playing on the radio. Tears immediately began streaming down my face. Go ahead and laugh. there are many reasons why it's funny to be crying to that song. I'll admit it.

Andrea, our AA saw that I looked upset. She knew from the look on my face what was happening. She let me get settled in my office then she came in and hugged me. She said "I hurt for you, I'm so sorry." I couldn't speak, I just whispered "thank you."

I had to present benefits at our monthly orientation class today. Our benefits have changed for 2011 so much of my presentation required a rewrite of the script. I didn't do that so I had to wing it. About half way through, I began to lose my voice. My coworker looked at me and was ready to step in. I cleared my throat and was fine. I finished and even managed to be witty during the Q and A portion.

Back at the office, I saw that I had a text from Anthony. We exchanged a few sweet messages. This caused round 2 of tears. I'm sure my eyes looked like hell at lunch. I read my paper during lunch. At the 30 minute mark, I got up and went back to my office and round 3 set in. Shortly after, my boss called me into her office. I brought what she needed and she asked me if I was okay. I said yes. She asked if that was true and I said no, but let's just accept yes as the answer and move on. She smiled and said that was fine.

Later, she came into my office. She quizzed me about my weekend. I told her about how we had a birthday dinner for my mom, and my boyfriend joined us. This was the first time I've openly discussed any of my relationships with coworkers who aren't friends. Immediatly she looked over at my cabinet where I have a picture of Anthony and I and she said "that's really nice. How long have you both been together?" So we talked a bit about things and I clued her in to what was happening.

I'm a firm believer that people should keep their personal lives at home, whenever possible, and not let things get in the way of their work. I told this to Diane, and told her that I was embarrassed that I was becoming one of those people. I guess it's a control thing for me. My "Type A" personality demands order and control and this is something that I can't control - both the sitaution and how I'm reacting to it. She was supportive and sweet and said that she understood that sometimes our home and work lives overlap and not to feel bad about it. Then she said "we're all here for you." I held back round 4. Truthfully it felt good discussing my life with her. My life is really no different from my hetero coworkers who discuss their spouses endlessly. It's nice to have a boss who doesn't judge, and who truly cares.

The remainder of the day was nice. I came home, had dinner, then met my friend Steve out for drinks at our favorite martini bar, Marty's. It was a really fun evening. Even Anthony came out for a drink and we all just talked and had a really relaxed time. I don't expect that all nights are going to be like that; hopefully they will.

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