Saturday evening, Anthony and I were supposed to go to dinner together. His plan was to dine downtown and have drinks at Trump Tower. Unfortunately he came down with a cold on Thursday and by Saturday, while he wasn't down for the count, he was tired. I sensed this in the late afternoon as we were returning home from a trek to Best Buy. I suggested we toss our dinner plans, order in and relax. He suggested we still go out, but dine in the neighborhood. We did, and had a nice dinner. Afterwards we stopped off at Marty's for a drink. The bar staff in there is so nice. As crowded as the place was, they made room for us at the bar. I credit my dear friend Steve with that. Having been in there with him enough times, they give me much the same sort of attention, which is pretty darn cool.
We came home, talked for a while, looked at pictures and went to bed. I won't lie, it was not an easy night for me to fall asleep, only because I was feeling emotional about it being our last night.
Sunday morning came and we were both kind of quiet. He gathered his things, I fetched us some coffee. He had made a reservation to meet a couple of his tech friends for brunch and I went along. While there, I had a signal on my phone that there was a Facebook message.
Belinda Carlisle
sending you my thoughts and lots of love....xxxx
Yesterday at 10:38am ·LikeUnlike · Comment · View Feedback (16)Hide Feedback (16) · See Friendship
I about fell over. I gasped and Anthony asked what was wrong. I showed him the post and he had a very similar reaction.
Brunch was nice, but it was over quickly. Now it was time for him to come back, gather his things and get to the airport. My very sweet friend Tina graciously offered to drive him. He was unable to secure a ride from any of his friends so he gladly accepted Tina's offer. I chose not to go. We spent a few minutes saying a quiet goodbye, then Tina was here. Before I knew it, the car was driving away. He was gone.
Earlier in the week, Tina asked me if I wanted to be alone that evening or if she should "gather the flock." I chose not to be alone. Shortly after, she had taken care of everything and told me where to be and at what time. Since Steve was hosting, he told me I could come as early as I wanted. I chose to go over there after Anthony left. I'm glad I did, it was nice visiting with him.
At about 5, the rest of the troops arrived, each with bags filled with stuff. Dips and chips. Drinks and mixers. And there was laughter, lots of it. It was nice. No, it was amazing. A perfectly casual evening spent with a group of people I love like family.
In hindsight, I should have done more to integrate Anthony into the group. We all went out a couple times, but not often enough. I feel bad that I wasn't more assertive with wanting to do more things with my friends. It has always been my nature to try to please everybody. In this case, I guess I felt obligated to please Anthony, figuring my friends were already pleased. Anyway, in true fashion, they were and are there for me. When I could have been at home and feeling like crap, they made sure that didn't happen.
Today was orientation. I present benefits information to the new hires on a monthly basis. I woke up feeling really good, but my mood quickly spiraled into sadness. I wanted to just stay home but I couldn't. I had actually alerted my co-presenter and my area HR Director that I might not be up to presenting. Both understood and had a plan in place to cover for my absence. As it turned out, the presentation went well, nobody knew anything was wrong, except that I kept losing my voice.
The remainder of the workday was relatively uneventful. The few who were "in the know" were asking how I was doing. That made me a little sad.
It's nearing bedtime and I feel pretty good about things. In my mind I'm at peace with everything. My heart still hurts and it will for some time. I think Anthony's will too. I know that we'll both be fine. I certainly will, my friends will see to it.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
An Online Goodbye
My Dearest Anthony,
This is an open letter to you, as it serves as the "liner notes" to the CD I created for commemorate the time we spent together. I didn't have room on the disc itself to list my reasons for including these songs, so I will instead post them here and share with everybody the music I used to say goodbye.
Before I discuss the songs, I wanted to let you know that I will always cherish the time we spent together. You taught me how to love, how to live and how to look inside myself. I have asked myself over and over, knowing the outcome, would I do this all over again. That answer is a resounding yes. I can't imagine not knowing you. I can only hope that your answer would be the same.
I don't know what the future will hold for us. I do know that we will always be friends. I can't imagine not having you in my life in some capacity. As I told you, my home is your home, and it always will be. You always have a place to stay when (and yes, I said when!) you visit Chicago. As for "us," we are ending a chapter but I don't believe the book is finished. Only time will tell. We will both go on living our lives, but who's to say that the road won't take an unexpected turn or two? I've learned to never say never.
While it may sound cliche', let's not call this "goodbye." Let's instead say "see you later." When "later" may be, we just don't know right now.
Now, onto the music -
Some songs have meaning on their own...either a shared experience or a common interest. Some are included because there's a line or two in the song that expresses so well how I feel or have felt during our relationship. As articulate as I can be, sometimes songs say it better.
"King For A Day" - The Thompson Twins - shortly into our relationship we learned that we both loved The Thompson Twins. One morning at work, this song popped up on my iPod and the chorus stood out on my mind - "If I were king for just one day, I would give it all away. I would give it all away to be with you." I texted you those words, not just because I was hoping the reference would be caught, but also because it had quickly become how I felt about you.
"If You Leave" - OMD - This is just one of those mellodramatic songs from the 80's that became the anthem of a John Hughes film, but it popped up last week and the opening verse stood out - "If you leave, don't leave now, please don't take my heart away. I promise you just one more night, then we'll go on our separate ways." With that said, even though you won't physically be near me, you will not have left my heart.
"Crossfire" - Brandon Flowers - This is the first single from his solo CD, and we enjoyed his concert together. For me it was a really special night. I love the lyrics in this song. There's a line in the song that says "And when the hardest part is over we'll be here. And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears." When I hear it, I get chills.
"One More Last Kiss" - Ivy - Ivy is a band who I was introduced to a few years ago by a former coworker. I quickly became a fan. This song is one that I think is so sad and beautiful. There isn't one line or verse that doesn't fit this situation. Last month I posted the lyrics to this song in my blog.
"Afterglow" - INXS - The line in the chorus "touch me and I will follow, in your afterglow. Heal me from all this sorrow, as I let you go. I will find my way when I see your eyes, now I'm living in your afterglow", could not be more perfect.
"Mad About You" - Belinda Carlisle - Whenever I hear this song and the line "Mad about you, lost in your eyes" is sung, I will forever think of all the time I spent staring into your beautiful blue eyes. At random, I texted this to you one afternoon and you quickly replied "I know that one, it's a Belinda song." I loved that you knew that.
"Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop." - Landon Pigg - I discovered this song kind of by accident. It was being used in a commercial but I never gave it a second thought aside from thinking the line "I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for you," is a really sweet, endearing line. Only after hearing the song did I connect with it. The song could not be more perfect unless it was called "falling in Love at Starbucks." Our first meeting was there, and I knew at that moment that I wanted to know all about you. "I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now I'm shining too."
"Don't Speak" - No Doubt - "I really feel like I'm losing a best friend. I can't believe this is the end." In such a short time, we connected and I feel like you've become one of my best friends. I don't believe this will change.
"I Think I Need Sleep" - The Go-Go's - So I'm sharing this song with you because not only is it a classic example of a Go-Go's song (happy sounding music, cute song title but angst-ridden lyrics), but there have been nights where I've fallen asleep only to dream about you. Mind you, not quite in the nightmare fashion as described on this song. Okay, I really just wanted to include a Go-Go's song. C'mon, you knew it was coming.
"More Than This" - Roxy Music - Bryan Ferry writes such beautiful lyrics. A prime example is this verse "It was fun for a while/There was no way of knowing/Like a dream in the night/Who can say where we're going"
"Sleeping to Dream" - Jason Mraz - This is a sweet song he performs live in concert. This I guess is the opposite story as told in the Go-Go's song. I'm drawn to the lyric "I found myself in the riches/Your eyes, your lips, your hair and you were everywhere/I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and thought you might be here/But you were nowhere/Well you were nowhere. " Often after spending a couple nights in your bed, the next night at home I found myself missing you next to me. Thinking about that right now, I'm teary-eyed. Never have I slept so comfortably next to someone.
Right now, my heart hurts, a lot. It will for some time. I want you to know that I really felt that you were "the one." I dreamed of spending countless years with you instead of just a few months. I felt a connection to you that I've never felt before. Having said that, who knows where this crazy road will lead...
I wish you happiness, success and a grand adventure as you end your time in Chicago. Know that I will always be here to lend an ear, to be a voice of reason, and to cheer you on. I want nothing but the best of everything for you. I want you to know that I have no regrets over any of this, nor do I regret being the one to have said "I Love You." Please know that I felt loved the entire time we spent together.
Love,
Jim
This is an open letter to you, as it serves as the "liner notes" to the CD I created for commemorate the time we spent together. I didn't have room on the disc itself to list my reasons for including these songs, so I will instead post them here and share with everybody the music I used to say goodbye.
Before I discuss the songs, I wanted to let you know that I will always cherish the time we spent together. You taught me how to love, how to live and how to look inside myself. I have asked myself over and over, knowing the outcome, would I do this all over again. That answer is a resounding yes. I can't imagine not knowing you. I can only hope that your answer would be the same.
I don't know what the future will hold for us. I do know that we will always be friends. I can't imagine not having you in my life in some capacity. As I told you, my home is your home, and it always will be. You always have a place to stay when (and yes, I said when!) you visit Chicago. As for "us," we are ending a chapter but I don't believe the book is finished. Only time will tell. We will both go on living our lives, but who's to say that the road won't take an unexpected turn or two? I've learned to never say never.
While it may sound cliche', let's not call this "goodbye." Let's instead say "see you later." When "later" may be, we just don't know right now.
Now, onto the music -
Some songs have meaning on their own...either a shared experience or a common interest. Some are included because there's a line or two in the song that expresses so well how I feel or have felt during our relationship. As articulate as I can be, sometimes songs say it better.
"King For A Day" - The Thompson Twins - shortly into our relationship we learned that we both loved The Thompson Twins. One morning at work, this song popped up on my iPod and the chorus stood out on my mind - "If I were king for just one day, I would give it all away. I would give it all away to be with you." I texted you those words, not just because I was hoping the reference would be caught, but also because it had quickly become how I felt about you.
"If You Leave" - OMD - This is just one of those mellodramatic songs from the 80's that became the anthem of a John Hughes film, but it popped up last week and the opening verse stood out - "If you leave, don't leave now, please don't take my heart away. I promise you just one more night, then we'll go on our separate ways." With that said, even though you won't physically be near me, you will not have left my heart.
"Crossfire" - Brandon Flowers - This is the first single from his solo CD, and we enjoyed his concert together. For me it was a really special night. I love the lyrics in this song. There's a line in the song that says "And when the hardest part is over we'll be here. And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears." When I hear it, I get chills.
"One More Last Kiss" - Ivy - Ivy is a band who I was introduced to a few years ago by a former coworker. I quickly became a fan. This song is one that I think is so sad and beautiful. There isn't one line or verse that doesn't fit this situation. Last month I posted the lyrics to this song in my blog.
"Afterglow" - INXS - The line in the chorus "touch me and I will follow, in your afterglow. Heal me from all this sorrow, as I let you go. I will find my way when I see your eyes, now I'm living in your afterglow", could not be more perfect.
"Mad About You" - Belinda Carlisle - Whenever I hear this song and the line "Mad about you, lost in your eyes" is sung, I will forever think of all the time I spent staring into your beautiful blue eyes. At random, I texted this to you one afternoon and you quickly replied "I know that one, it's a Belinda song." I loved that you knew that.
"Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop." - Landon Pigg - I discovered this song kind of by accident. It was being used in a commercial but I never gave it a second thought aside from thinking the line "I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for you," is a really sweet, endearing line. Only after hearing the song did I connect with it. The song could not be more perfect unless it was called "falling in Love at Starbucks." Our first meeting was there, and I knew at that moment that I wanted to know all about you. "I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now I'm shining too."
"Don't Speak" - No Doubt - "I really feel like I'm losing a best friend. I can't believe this is the end." In such a short time, we connected and I feel like you've become one of my best friends. I don't believe this will change.
"I Think I Need Sleep" - The Go-Go's - So I'm sharing this song with you because not only is it a classic example of a Go-Go's song (happy sounding music, cute song title but angst-ridden lyrics), but there have been nights where I've fallen asleep only to dream about you. Mind you, not quite in the nightmare fashion as described on this song. Okay, I really just wanted to include a Go-Go's song. C'mon, you knew it was coming.
"More Than This" - Roxy Music - Bryan Ferry writes such beautiful lyrics. A prime example is this verse "It was fun for a while/There was no way of knowing/Like a dream in the night/Who can say where we're going"
"Sleeping to Dream" - Jason Mraz - This is a sweet song he performs live in concert. This I guess is the opposite story as told in the Go-Go's song. I'm drawn to the lyric "I found myself in the riches/Your eyes, your lips, your hair and you were everywhere/I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and thought you might be here/But you were nowhere/Well you were nowhere. " Often after spending a couple nights in your bed, the next night at home I found myself missing you next to me. Thinking about that right now, I'm teary-eyed. Never have I slept so comfortably next to someone.
"Blue Kiss" - Jane Wiedlin - Talk about an seemingly obscure pick, aside from the fact that Jane has been a good friend to me over the years, this song was off of her first solo album back in 1985. The song starts with "A blue kiss, coloring me goodbye/A new kiss, could never feel so fine/Tomorrow I'll be living in black and white." I think no further explanation is necessary.
"Mr Brightside" - The Killers - There isn't really a lyric here that stands out, but the title is who I tried to be for you. Often after a bad day at work, or after a worrysome conversation about family, I did my best to be there for you and offer you an encouraging word or find the silver lining in the cloud. I hope my efforts offered you some peace of mind. I hope to still be able to do that for you, don't ever hesitate to call when you need some encouraging words.
"Live Your Life Be Free" - Belinda Carlisle - Sure I could cut to the chase and say that the reason I've included this is because the point of the song is someone pleading to another peson "you should be with me," but the real reason I've included it is because the overall message of the song is about doing what makes you happy and feel free. You're doing this, taking this leap of faith and embarking on a fabulous adventure. You are doing what the song title suggests. I envy your ability to do that.
"Head Over Heels" - Tears for Fears - Simply, the first line of the song says "I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather." Flash back to our first meeting, sitting in Starbucks and you were so excited to show me what you do for a living. You took out your phone and started showing me apps, one of which was a weather app. Yes, I remember these things.
"I Will Take Care of You" - The Bangles - Yes, the other "all-girl" band. This song was off of their last CD and it such a pretty, quiet ballad. There is no one line or pair of lines I want to pick out and quote. I just love the sentiment of the entire song. Had the circumstances been different, I would take care of you. Yes, that includes keeping you safe from zombies. :)
"Ne Me Quitte Pas" - Belinda Carlisle - She's back. The song title translates to "If You Go Away." Even sung in French, you know this is someone who is saddened by the departure of someone she loves. Nothing more needs to be said about this song choice.
"Dream a Little Dream of Me" - Cass Elliott - Another simple, beautiful song with a title that says it all. I can only hope, as you move away, you will dream a little dream of me. Know that I will be dreaming a little dream of you.
Please know that while I could have included "My Heart Will Go On" by one Celine Dion, I emphatically refused to do so. I'm sappy and sentimental, but that's pushing it. :)
Right now, my heart hurts, a lot. It will for some time. I want you to know that I really felt that you were "the one." I dreamed of spending countless years with you instead of just a few months. I felt a connection to you that I've never felt before. Having said that, who knows where this crazy road will lead...
I wish you happiness, success and a grand adventure as you end your time in Chicago. Know that I will always be here to lend an ear, to be a voice of reason, and to cheer you on. I want nothing but the best of everything for you. I want you to know that I have no regrets over any of this, nor do I regret being the one to have said "I Love You." Please know that I felt loved the entire time we spent together.
Love,
Jim
Saturday, January 8, 2011
24 Hours
Anthony leaves tomorrow. He's been staying at my house since last night. I love that we have this last bit of time to spend together, it makes me happy. I hate knowing that our time together is limited.
Last night we went to dinner with some of our friends. His friends, who over time have become my friends. It was nice. Anthony was asked to compare how he feels about leaving Chicago to how he felt about leaving Boston. He said he was definitely attached to Boston, he loves that city and it was difficult to leave. He said he's not as attached to Chicago, but he's leaving me, so in that regard it's difficult. He put his hand on my knee as he said that. I had to excuse myself from the table to keep from launching into full cry. I went into the bathroom, composed myself and came back.
After dinner, we came back to my house instead of going out. Anthony is fighting a cold (which in a few days I no doubt will be fighting...oh well) so it seemed wise to just come home and relax.
Today he's running some errands. I'll gocery shop and do the same. We'll meet back here later. Tonight, we'll have dinner together, alone.
This experience has been one of the most difficult things that I've ever endured. With that said, I would do it again.
I just wish I didn't even have to consider it.
Last night we went to dinner with some of our friends. His friends, who over time have become my friends. It was nice. Anthony was asked to compare how he feels about leaving Chicago to how he felt about leaving Boston. He said he was definitely attached to Boston, he loves that city and it was difficult to leave. He said he's not as attached to Chicago, but he's leaving me, so in that regard it's difficult. He put his hand on my knee as he said that. I had to excuse myself from the table to keep from launching into full cry. I went into the bathroom, composed myself and came back.
After dinner, we came back to my house instead of going out. Anthony is fighting a cold (which in a few days I no doubt will be fighting...oh well) so it seemed wise to just come home and relax.
Today he's running some errands. I'll gocery shop and do the same. We'll meet back here later. Tonight, we'll have dinner together, alone.
This experience has been one of the most difficult things that I've ever endured. With that said, I would do it again.
I just wish I didn't even have to consider it.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Six
Meet "The Six"I guess Polo was bored the other day, perhaps he was high on cold medication. He sent us each this file and simply titled the picture "The Six." From left to right is Tina, Polo, Dan, Luis, Denise and Me.
These images were simplified, each of us actually have our own individual pictures, with an appropriate background and a few words to describe each of us. The dialogue that was sent around about each image was priceless. I was laughing the entire morning. The funny thing is that he has captured each of us so well. Tina's blond and cute and has a warm smile. Polo has his big hair and glasses and is in short sleeves because he's always warm. Dan has "that expression," which was described as "that look you get when you pretend you're mad at Luis and Polo but really you aren't." Luis looks happy with his peace symbol necklace and fun t-shirt, just the same vibe he gives off when he's around and feeling relaxed. Denise is sticking her tongue out because she hates having her picture taken. Her hair is short and cute, and she's well accessorized. I'm in my "proper" attire, wearing argyle and a tie. Apparently I'm not smiling because I haven't had my coffee. (that's true, that is how I look without coffee in the morning!)
What I think is special is the fact that we were simply called "The Six." There's no better way to describe us. When the six of us are together, it's a pretty amazing time. We are there for each other in laughter, in tears, or just to cheer one or another on.
Sure, we have other friends. Our friend Steve travels and isn't able to be with us as often as he or we would like, but when he's around, he's a welcomed addition. Occasionally my friend Vahona will appear at one event or another and she fits in well. Others have brought friends along, but when all is said and done, we're still "The Six."
I love us very much.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Cheers and a few Tears
Here's my first post of the new year. I'm afraid it's going to sound very much like many of my posts from the last month of 2010. If you don't want to read more of the same, then turn away now.
Okay, you've been warned.
Happy New Year. 2011 is off to an interesting start, and truthfully I wouldn't mind if this was the peak of it, but I know it's not. So here's how my weekend went.
Let's backtrack to December 30. I worked, then came home and met Anthony and his 18 year old nephew Andrew for dinner. We went to a restaurant called Smoque, which is down the street from one of my offices so I'm familiar with it. This was Anthony's first time there, he was curious to try it. The line was out the door so the three of us chatted. I was thrilled to meet Andrew and learn about his time in Chicago. He loves the city and had a blast. His Uncle "Tony" showed him a good time, taking him to cool neighborhoods and tourist attractions. Eventually we were seated and before long we enjoyed a fantastic meal. Later that evening we went to an improv show at The Annoyance Theatre. It was a super-funny show and a nice last night for Andrew's Chicago visit.
Friday I did some shopping then met up with Anthony, Benjamin and Anthony's cousin Matt who arrived in town that afternoon to spend the weekend. We went to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner which was terribly disappointing. Afterwards we met up with Dan and Luis at Jackhammer where we rang in the new year. It meant a lot to me to ring in the new year with Dan, with whom I have done so for the past 8 years. It was also nice celebrating it with a boyfriend for once. After the fanfare was finished Anthony wandered off with his cousin. Eventually I found them in the upstairs section of the bar, chatting with a couple friends. I talked for a while, then suggested to Anthony that we sneak out and go home for some alone time. He liked that idea. Matt and Benjamin were having a good time at the bar so they stayed behind. Dan and Luis were elsewhere so I didn't get to say goodnight to them.
The following morning I cooked breakfast for everybody - pancakes, bacon and sausage. It was delicious. But I had to run because later that day I was hosting a party at my house. That party turned into quite the festive event. Anthony, Benjamin and Matt got to meet my friends Karen and Cyd, who I've know for a very long time. Everybody got along very well and had a fantastic time.
Somehow we found the strength to go out that evening, we wound up at Big Chicks and stayed for a couple drinks. Benjamin stayed behind, Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Sometime after 5 am, I heard loud footsteps in the apartment and someone yelling "this is fucking bullshit, I ought to shoot you right now!" Needless to say I bolted upright from a sound sleep and freaked. Anthony just sort of brushed it off. I'm unsure how he could sleep with the sound of my heard pounding. I thought someone had broken into the apartment and was ready to kill us. I was sick to my stomach at the thought but knew I needed to remain completely silent. I listened and heard the footsteps walk back towards the front of the house. At that point, I considered exiting via the bedroom window, figuring a 2-story drop might break my legs but I could survive that. For some reason I just stayed and listened. Turns out, Benjamin brought home some friends who were prehaps drunk and had become rowdy. When I finally got up to go to the bathroom, everybody (Benjamin, his 3 new friends and Matt, who just kind of got stuck in it all) were up drinking and talking loudly. I did my best to give whomever may have seen me a dirty look as I went back to bed, then slammed the bedroom door. Let's just say that I was none too pleased in the morning and sick to my stomach the rest of the day.
Sunday the 2nd was Anthony's "Bon Voyage" party, again at Big Chicks. I ran some errands earlier in the day, then came home to get ready to meet up with the boys, again. Anthony, Matt and I had dinner at Crew, a gay sports bar. We then walked over to Big Chicks. Anthony had at least 2 dozen guests who came by to wish him well and have a drink with him. I was introduced to each one as his boyfriend, and we graciously ducked the "oh, are you moving to California too?" question by telling people that we are in the process of weighing our options and will figure out the best solution shortly. I decided that it wouldn't be nice to make anybody feel bad by just simply answering "no, I'm not." For the 3+ hours, I smiled and gracioustly greeted his friends, many of whom I'd met at one event or another. It was nice to see them again, unsure if I'll see them ever again but whatever.
The party wound down and Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Benjamin stayed home and was asleep when we got there. Matt decided he was going to drive back to Michigan. He only had 1 drink during dinner and was wide awake. Since he prefers to drive at night, it seemed like a good time to go. We said goodnight then went to bed.
I decided last night to give Anthony his going away present. Among the few small things I gave to him was a framed picture of us. It was taken at an event last October and it's a great photo of the both of us. He has said on numerous occasions how he loves it. When he opened it, he smiled and was so happy to have it. He opened everything but the card, saying he would save that for later. I think if he had read it, we'd have both cried. I sobbed as I wrote it. We turned out the lights and went to bed. He held me and we talked for about a half hour. It was nice.
This morning, a representative from the company coordinating his cross-country move arrived. They talked in the living room, I sat in the kitchen with my iPad. When they made their way to the back of the apartment, the guy introduced himself to me and asked me if I had any questions about how the move would go, I just said I did not. Anthony gave me a glance as if to say "I'm sorry." I smiled. I've gotten really good at smiling even when I don't feel like it. They finished, the guy left and Anthony informed me that on Friday, the packers would come in, pack everything and put it all on the truck. I said "but you're not leaving until Sunday." He said "I know." I said "where are you going to sleep for two nights?" He said "TBD." I said "well...you can stay with me." He said "good, because I was going to ask you if I could." With that, we started cleaning out his kitchen cabinets and I became the recipient of 2 bags of groceries. Afterwards he came over here with me, picked up something that he needed from my place, and went home to begin purging. I went on to the book store, then I took myself out for lunch.
Tonight in a fit of anxiety, I took down the Christmas tree...literally. I stripped the tree of all its ornaments, threw the tree in it's storage bad and hauled it out to the trash. The next tree I buy will be a slender tree.
I've been fine most of the day, but the process of taking down the tree made me feel a little melancholy. Anthony helped me put up the tree, so taking it down so close to him leaving seemed like yet another ending. I'm sad thinking about it.
I know things will get better. I know you're relieved to read that because by now you're sick of me whining about my relationship woes. I'm just processing it all right now.
So, what did you do for New Year's Eve?
Okay, you've been warned.
Happy New Year. 2011 is off to an interesting start, and truthfully I wouldn't mind if this was the peak of it, but I know it's not. So here's how my weekend went.
Let's backtrack to December 30. I worked, then came home and met Anthony and his 18 year old nephew Andrew for dinner. We went to a restaurant called Smoque, which is down the street from one of my offices so I'm familiar with it. This was Anthony's first time there, he was curious to try it. The line was out the door so the three of us chatted. I was thrilled to meet Andrew and learn about his time in Chicago. He loves the city and had a blast. His Uncle "Tony" showed him a good time, taking him to cool neighborhoods and tourist attractions. Eventually we were seated and before long we enjoyed a fantastic meal. Later that evening we went to an improv show at The Annoyance Theatre. It was a super-funny show and a nice last night for Andrew's Chicago visit.
Friday I did some shopping then met up with Anthony, Benjamin and Anthony's cousin Matt who arrived in town that afternoon to spend the weekend. We went to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner which was terribly disappointing. Afterwards we met up with Dan and Luis at Jackhammer where we rang in the new year. It meant a lot to me to ring in the new year with Dan, with whom I have done so for the past 8 years. It was also nice celebrating it with a boyfriend for once. After the fanfare was finished Anthony wandered off with his cousin. Eventually I found them in the upstairs section of the bar, chatting with a couple friends. I talked for a while, then suggested to Anthony that we sneak out and go home for some alone time. He liked that idea. Matt and Benjamin were having a good time at the bar so they stayed behind. Dan and Luis were elsewhere so I didn't get to say goodnight to them.
The following morning I cooked breakfast for everybody - pancakes, bacon and sausage. It was delicious. But I had to run because later that day I was hosting a party at my house. That party turned into quite the festive event. Anthony, Benjamin and Matt got to meet my friends Karen and Cyd, who I've know for a very long time. Everybody got along very well and had a fantastic time.
Somehow we found the strength to go out that evening, we wound up at Big Chicks and stayed for a couple drinks. Benjamin stayed behind, Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Sometime after 5 am, I heard loud footsteps in the apartment and someone yelling "this is fucking bullshit, I ought to shoot you right now!" Needless to say I bolted upright from a sound sleep and freaked. Anthony just sort of brushed it off. I'm unsure how he could sleep with the sound of my heard pounding. I thought someone had broken into the apartment and was ready to kill us. I was sick to my stomach at the thought but knew I needed to remain completely silent. I listened and heard the footsteps walk back towards the front of the house. At that point, I considered exiting via the bedroom window, figuring a 2-story drop might break my legs but I could survive that. For some reason I just stayed and listened. Turns out, Benjamin brought home some friends who were prehaps drunk and had become rowdy. When I finally got up to go to the bathroom, everybody (Benjamin, his 3 new friends and Matt, who just kind of got stuck in it all) were up drinking and talking loudly. I did my best to give whomever may have seen me a dirty look as I went back to bed, then slammed the bedroom door. Let's just say that I was none too pleased in the morning and sick to my stomach the rest of the day.
Sunday the 2nd was Anthony's "Bon Voyage" party, again at Big Chicks. I ran some errands earlier in the day, then came home to get ready to meet up with the boys, again. Anthony, Matt and I had dinner at Crew, a gay sports bar. We then walked over to Big Chicks. Anthony had at least 2 dozen guests who came by to wish him well and have a drink with him. I was introduced to each one as his boyfriend, and we graciously ducked the "oh, are you moving to California too?" question by telling people that we are in the process of weighing our options and will figure out the best solution shortly. I decided that it wouldn't be nice to make anybody feel bad by just simply answering "no, I'm not." For the 3+ hours, I smiled and gracioustly greeted his friends, many of whom I'd met at one event or another. It was nice to see them again, unsure if I'll see them ever again but whatever.
The party wound down and Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Benjamin stayed home and was asleep when we got there. Matt decided he was going to drive back to Michigan. He only had 1 drink during dinner and was wide awake. Since he prefers to drive at night, it seemed like a good time to go. We said goodnight then went to bed.
I decided last night to give Anthony his going away present. Among the few small things I gave to him was a framed picture of us. It was taken at an event last October and it's a great photo of the both of us. He has said on numerous occasions how he loves it. When he opened it, he smiled and was so happy to have it. He opened everything but the card, saying he would save that for later. I think if he had read it, we'd have both cried. I sobbed as I wrote it. We turned out the lights and went to bed. He held me and we talked for about a half hour. It was nice.
This morning, a representative from the company coordinating his cross-country move arrived. They talked in the living room, I sat in the kitchen with my iPad. When they made their way to the back of the apartment, the guy introduced himself to me and asked me if I had any questions about how the move would go, I just said I did not. Anthony gave me a glance as if to say "I'm sorry." I smiled. I've gotten really good at smiling even when I don't feel like it. They finished, the guy left and Anthony informed me that on Friday, the packers would come in, pack everything and put it all on the truck. I said "but you're not leaving until Sunday." He said "I know." I said "where are you going to sleep for two nights?" He said "TBD." I said "well...you can stay with me." He said "good, because I was going to ask you if I could." With that, we started cleaning out his kitchen cabinets and I became the recipient of 2 bags of groceries. Afterwards he came over here with me, picked up something that he needed from my place, and went home to begin purging. I went on to the book store, then I took myself out for lunch.
Tonight in a fit of anxiety, I took down the Christmas tree...literally. I stripped the tree of all its ornaments, threw the tree in it's storage bad and hauled it out to the trash. The next tree I buy will be a slender tree.
I've been fine most of the day, but the process of taking down the tree made me feel a little melancholy. Anthony helped me put up the tree, so taking it down so close to him leaving seemed like yet another ending. I'm sad thinking about it.
I know things will get better. I know you're relieved to read that because by now you're sick of me whining about my relationship woes. I'm just processing it all right now.
So, what did you do for New Year's Eve?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Live Life Out Loud
My mantra for 2011 is "Live Life Out Loud."
Years ago, I was the shy guy. I stood back and observed and once I got really comfortable with the situation I'd slowly make my way into the fray. Fine, except there are those tmies when doing so means you've missed a lot.
In more recent years I've managed to be a bit more proactive in getting involved, being a part of the party, and speaking up. Admittedly I still have some room to improve, but I'm happy with where I'm at these days.
So for 2011, I've decided to live life out loud. I've defined that to include but not limited to the following:
-Speak up for yourself.
-Speak up for others.
-If you don't agree, say so, but be polite about it.
-Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen.
-Dream big.
-Have faith.
-Go for it.
-Make a difference.
2010 was a big year for me - lots of ups, a few downs. I'm hoping that 2011 will be bigger and better. I know that I'm starting off the year on a bittersweet note, but there's no place to go but up, and I have no intention to sit around too long before I work to make that happen.
So, I wish each and every one of you who read this blog, some of whom take the time to leave me comments which are so sweet, a very happy, healthy and LOUD New Year. Live, love and learn.
Peace!
xo
Jim
Years ago, I was the shy guy. I stood back and observed and once I got really comfortable with the situation I'd slowly make my way into the fray. Fine, except there are those tmies when doing so means you've missed a lot.
In more recent years I've managed to be a bit more proactive in getting involved, being a part of the party, and speaking up. Admittedly I still have some room to improve, but I'm happy with where I'm at these days.
So for 2011, I've decided to live life out loud. I've defined that to include but not limited to the following:
-Speak up for yourself.
-Speak up for others.
-If you don't agree, say so, but be polite about it.
-Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen.
-Dream big.
-Have faith.
-Go for it.
-Make a difference.
2010 was a big year for me - lots of ups, a few downs. I'm hoping that 2011 will be bigger and better. I know that I'm starting off the year on a bittersweet note, but there's no place to go but up, and I have no intention to sit around too long before I work to make that happen.
So, I wish each and every one of you who read this blog, some of whom take the time to leave me comments which are so sweet, a very happy, healthy and LOUD New Year. Live, love and learn.
Peace!
xo
Jim
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
2010 in Review
This is the time of year when all the media outlets put out their year-end reviews and highlights of the past year. This is mine.
New Music
"Crazy Love" - Michael Buble' - More of the same from the crooner from Canada and I like it. With his smooth voice he pays tribute to some classics and performs some new songs, too. This is a good record to play when you just want to relax a bit, but you also might find yourself tapping your feet along to some of the songs.
"Flamingo" - Brandon Flowers - This is the first solo record from the lead singer of The Killers and he does not disappoint. This truly plays like an album, each song tells a story, and the entire collection is an homage to his home town of Las Vegas, Nevada. His clever lyrics and the beautiful arrangements of the songs make this a joy to listen to from start to finish.
"Greatest Hits...So Far!!!" - Pink (or do you say P!nk?) - Okay, this is a bit of a cheat because it is a greatest hits package so it includes songs from previous albums, but it's a fun retrospective, an it includes 2 fantastic new songs, including the infectious "Raise Your Glass."
"100 Miles From Memphis" - Sheryl Crow - I've been a fan of hers for a long time, I enjoy her voice and her songwriting. For this record she takes a step back and delivers a softer sounding record. It's another good record to just chill to. The song "Summer Day" is truly a sweet summer song.
Concerts
B-52's at Ravinia - July 2010 - My friend/coworker Sonny had never been to Ravinia. In early April, when the schedule was posted, we picked a show to see, that show was The B-52's. Sonny wanted the complete Ravinia experience - picnic basket filled with wine and cheese and crackers and snacks. So that's exactly what we did. We had a blast. Truth be told we couldn't see the stage from our vantage point, but we could hear the show and after a couple glasses of wine, and then a couple cocktails, we were up dancing and shaking our cosmic things. As an added bonus, I flirted with a guy during the train ride home.
Pink - Funhouse Tour, Austrailia - Okay, I wasn't at this show but I bought her concert DVD and LOVED it. That girl can put on a show!! Start to finish, she gives 110 percent! You can tell that she's someone who loves to put on a good show.
Margaret Cho - Margaret came to Chicago back in October to perform at the beautiful Chicago Theatre. My dear friend Steve took me as his guest. It was an evening filled with laughs. Margaret was brilliant that night. She was fresh off of her elimination from Dancing With the Stars, so I was curious to see what she would say about it. She held back a bit more than I expected but did share some funny moments about her castmates.
Brandon Flowers - Flamingo tour - November 2010 - He toured in the summer and I waited too long to get tickets. I was disappointed. But as luck would have it, he announced another show in Chicago. I bought tickets in mid-September. At that time I'd just started dating Anthony. When I bought the tickets, I envisioned taking him to the show. And I did. He was not familiar with his music except for the song or two I'd shared with him, but he enjoyed the show as much as I did. It was a special evening.
Events
There is no shortage of street festivals in Chicago, especially during the summer months. The first and the best is Andersonville's Midsommarfest, a big crazy party that is thinly veiled as a Swedish celebration. I don't care what you call it, it's a great time. This year's was a blast. Sadly my camera didn't think so, since after a number of adult beverages I hurled it to the ground. It survived, but it hasn't been the same ever since.
Pride fest/Gay pride weekend was another fun time in Chicago. Dan and Luis play host to a big backyard cookout after the parade. It was a fun afternoon of just relaxing with good friends after watching a parade that went on for a bit too long. The festival that preceeded it was also a great time, filled with fun bands, vendors and of course food and drink.
The other event held in boystown is called Market Days. It's in mid-August, so you get to see a lot of barely-dressed people (for better or for worse), doing stupid things. What's not to love about that?
This year we added a new festival to our list. We attended an Oktoberfest which didn't start off being really fun since the weather was windy and raining, but we fought our way through the crowd, made our way inside the big tent and had a blast dancing to the band 16 Candles. They never disappoint.
Mission Accomplished - A Star is Born! Back on July 18, I posted THIS PIECE OF NEWS, announcing that The G0-Go's had received their Star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame. This is a project I've been involved with for 8 years. We're still waiting to learn about the placement ceremony and any events planned around it. I'll be there!
I traveled to Los Angeles in July. It was supposed to be for one of the final Go-Go's shows, but due to Jane Wiedlin's serious injury after a fall, the shows were postponed. They will take place next year, most likely tied to the Star placement ceremony. However, I went through with my trip and had a great time wandering around Los Angeles. I did some touristy things, and I saw a few friends, and made a couple new ones.
My second trip of the year was to Miami to attend the wedding of a family friend. The gorgeous Bride was Giselle, the daughter of my former manager. I've known Giselle since before she was born. I'm close with her Mom, Alina. I consider them my Cuban family. My date for the weekend was my sweet friend Denise. We spent a long weekend soaking up the sun and the sights of South Beach. The wedding was breath-taking, the bride was gorgeous, and it was so nice seeing my Cuban family. Denise and I also made friends with the wanna-be cast of Jersey Shore during a drink-fest at the Clevelander Hotel. Thankfully the only fatality that weekend was the washcloth that got thrown out of the bathroom window. Poor washcloth.
Anthony - Perhaps you've seen his name once or twice during this post. Perhaps you've seen his name a couple times in other posts in my blog. ;) He came into my life back in August. It has been a joy having someone with whom I connect on so many levels become a part of my life. Getting to know him has been a blessing. Sadly, he's moving in a couple weeks and at that point our relationship will end. This isn't to say that he won't always be in my life. I will always consider him a friend. I've learned a lot from him, and I would like to believe that I've made an impact on his life and he has learned from me.
iPad - I've had this thing for 5 days and I love it. It was definitely an impusle purchase but one that I don't regret. I'm still learning about how to use it. Anthony is well-versed in all things gadget, so in the next week or so, we're going to sit down and he's going to show me all the cool things it can do.
That's my list. Here's hoping your year was filled with many highlights. The way things stand right now, 2011 is going to be off to an interesting start. Here's hoping that overall, it's a great year, for everyone!
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