Cheers and a few Tears

Here's my first post of the new year. I'm afraid it's going to sound very much like many of my posts from the last month of 2010. If you don't want to read more of the same, then turn away now.

Okay, you've been warned.

Happy New Year. 2011 is off to an interesting start, and truthfully I wouldn't mind if this was the peak of it, but I know it's not. So here's how my weekend went.

Let's backtrack to December 30. I worked, then came home and met Anthony and his 18 year old nephew Andrew for dinner. We went to a restaurant called Smoque, which is down the street from one of my offices so I'm familiar with it. This was Anthony's first time there, he was curious to try it. The line was out the door so the three of us chatted. I was thrilled to meet Andrew and learn about his time in Chicago. He loves the city and had a blast. His Uncle "Tony" showed him a good time, taking him to cool neighborhoods and tourist attractions. Eventually we were seated and before long we enjoyed a fantastic meal. Later that evening we went to an improv show at The Annoyance Theatre. It was a super-funny show and a nice last night for Andrew's Chicago visit.

Friday I did some shopping then met up with Anthony, Benjamin and Anthony's cousin Matt who arrived in town that afternoon to spend the weekend. We went to a neighborhood restaurant for dinner which was terribly disappointing. Afterwards we met up with Dan and Luis at Jackhammer where we rang in the new year. It meant a lot to me to ring in the new year with Dan, with whom I have done so for the past 8 years. It was also nice celebrating it with a boyfriend for once. After the fanfare was finished Anthony wandered off with his cousin. Eventually I found them in the upstairs section of the bar, chatting with a couple friends. I talked for a while, then suggested to Anthony that we sneak out and go home for some alone time. He liked that idea. Matt and Benjamin were having a good time at the bar so they stayed behind. Dan and Luis were elsewhere so I didn't get to say goodnight to them.

The following morning I cooked breakfast for everybody - pancakes, bacon and sausage. It was delicious. But I had to run because later that day I was hosting a party at my house. That party turned into quite the festive event. Anthony, Benjamin and Matt got to meet my friends Karen and Cyd, who I've know for a very long time. Everybody got along very well and had a fantastic time.

Somehow we found the strength to go out that evening, we wound up at Big Chicks and stayed for a couple drinks. Benjamin stayed behind, Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Sometime after 5 am, I heard loud footsteps in the apartment and someone yelling "this is fucking bullshit, I ought to shoot you right now!" Needless to say I bolted upright from a sound sleep and freaked. Anthony just sort of brushed it off. I'm unsure how he could sleep with the sound of my heard pounding. I thought someone had broken into the apartment and was ready to kill us. I was sick to my stomach at the thought but knew I needed to remain completely silent. I listened and heard the footsteps walk back towards the front of the house. At that point, I considered exiting via the bedroom window, figuring a 2-story drop might break my legs but I could survive that. For some reason I just stayed and listened. Turns out, Benjamin brought home some friends who were prehaps drunk and had become rowdy. When I finally got up to go to the bathroom, everybody (Benjamin, his 3 new friends and Matt, who just kind of got stuck in it all) were up drinking and talking loudly. I did my best to give whomever may have seen me a dirty look as I went back to bed, then slammed the bedroom door. Let's just say that I was none too pleased in the morning and sick to my stomach the rest of the day.

Sunday the 2nd was Anthony's "Bon Voyage" party, again at Big Chicks. I ran some errands earlier in the day, then came home to get ready to meet up with the boys, again. Anthony, Matt and I had dinner at Crew, a gay sports bar. We then walked over to Big Chicks. Anthony had at least 2 dozen guests who came by to wish him well and have a drink with him. I was introduced to each one as his boyfriend, and we graciously ducked the "oh, are you moving to California too?" question by telling people that we are in the process of weighing our options and will figure out the best solution shortly. I decided that it wouldn't be nice to make anybody feel bad by just simply answering "no, I'm not." For the 3+ hours, I smiled and gracioustly greeted his friends, many of whom I'd met at one event or another. It was nice to see them again, unsure if I'll see them ever again but whatever.

The party wound down and Anthony, Matt and I went back to the apartment. Benjamin stayed home and was asleep when we got there. Matt decided he was going to drive back to Michigan. He only had 1 drink during dinner and was wide awake. Since he prefers to drive at night, it seemed like a good time to go. We said goodnight then went to bed.

I decided last night to give Anthony his going away present. Among the few small things I gave to him was a framed picture of us. It was taken at an event last October and it's a great photo of the both of us. He has said on numerous occasions how he loves it. When he opened it, he smiled and was so happy to have it. He opened everything but the card, saying he would save that for later. I think if he had read it, we'd have both cried. I sobbed as I wrote it. We turned out the lights and went to bed. He held me and we talked for about a half hour. It was nice.

This morning, a representative from the company coordinating his cross-country move arrived. They talked in the living room, I sat in the kitchen with my iPad. When they made their way to the back of the apartment, the guy introduced himself to me and asked me if I had any questions about how the move would go, I just said I did not. Anthony gave me a glance as if to say "I'm sorry." I smiled. I've gotten really good at smiling even when I don't feel like it. They finished, the guy left and Anthony informed me that on Friday, the packers would come in, pack everything and put it all on the truck. I said "but you're not leaving until Sunday." He said "I know." I said "where are you going to sleep for two nights?" He said "TBD." I said "well...you can stay with me." He said "good, because I was going to ask you if I could." With that, we started cleaning out his kitchen cabinets and I became the recipient of 2 bags of groceries. Afterwards he came over here with me, picked up something that he needed from my place, and went home to begin purging. I went on to the book store, then I took myself out for lunch.

Tonight in a fit of anxiety, I took down the Christmas tree...literally. I stripped the tree of all its ornaments, threw the tree in it's storage bad and hauled it out to the trash. The next tree I buy will be a slender tree.

I've been fine most of the day, but the process of taking down the tree made me feel a little melancholy. Anthony helped me put up the tree, so taking it down so close to him leaving seemed like yet another ending. I'm sad thinking about it.

I know things will get better. I know you're relieved to read that because by now you're sick of me whining about my relationship woes. I'm just processing it all right now.

So, what did you do for New Year's Eve?

It's Springtime and The Kitties Are Horny

I have a feeling that seeing "Horny Kitty" in my title will make Dan giggle. That's because it relates to someone we used to see at our hangout, The Jackhammer, from time to time. When you're a regular, you spot the other regulars and semi-regulars or the "irregulars." One guy in particular would come in with his friends, all dolled up for a night on the town. He was tanned, had his hair all whooped up and usually wore either a tight t-shirt or button down shirt with most of the buttons unbuttoned. In other words, he was looking for some action. His technique was very forward. He would focus on someone he wanted to know better and get really close and rub up against them. One night he did this to Dan. It was rather humorous to watch. Dan read him like a book and played along for a while but grew increasingly impatient with him. I leaned in and said "he's like a horny kitty - MEOWWWWWW!" Dan and I both laughed, while the guy was boucing around and doing his mating dance for Dan and a number of other guys in close proximity. And each time he would rub up against another guy, I'd let out another meow, much like a cat in heat.

I think the warmer weather brings out the "horny kitty" in a lot of people. Well, in everybody, though they express it differently. Some are very obvious about it, rubbing up against everyone to let them know that it's mating season. Others take a more indirect approach as the stalk their potential mates until they find the right time to approach. But it's definitely happening now.

Case in point - I went out Friday evening, to Jackhammer, to have a couple drinks and see my friends. I ran into a few, and then I started making new friends. From across the bar, a handsome guy caught my eye and winked. I smiled. He was with someone so his flirtation was taking place when the guy he was with was looking away or had stepped away. I was flattered, so I smiled and okay, maybe I winked back. This went on for over an hour. Then I was closer to them, and I heard their conversation with the bartender so I made a comment. Immediately I was invited over to participate in their conversation. Turns out they were visiting from out of state. They found the bar on the recommendation of others they had met in boystown the previous night. Well, I love out of towners, I find it so interesting to hear the stories of their experiences in the city. The three of us had a nice conversation. And yes, the flirting continued, the other one seemed oblivious to it. They shared with me the fact that they were both 29. Eventually I took them to the downstairs bar, their curiousity got the best of them and they wanted to see what was going on. Let's just say it's a friendly part of the bar. We stayed a few minutes. There was potential for things to become *ahem* much more friendly but I decided to keep things a little more "proper." We eventually went upstairs and then to the bar next door. They each had a drink and decided it was time to go back to their hotel. The end of a fun and friendly evening.

Saturday, I went to the grocery store. I had a short list. Good thing, because I had to be to dinner at Dan and Luis' in 90 minutes. I turned down an aisle and noticed a handsome guy pushing his cart ahead of me. I continued down the aisle, he turned and smiled. I smiled back. When I continued up the next aisle, he was at the end of it, watching me approach. He was smiling. I smiled again and nodded. A couple more turns, there he was again, all smiles and watching me. Okay, I knew this wasn't a fluke, I knew someone wasn't behind me, but I hadn't decided what to do next. All I knew is that I had to get finished because I was on a schedule. So I went down an aisle, stopped and wrote my phone number on a slip of paper. I had it folded and in my hand so that the next time I passed him, I would hand it to him. I turned up the aisle and he wasn't there. I searched a couple more aisles and he was gone. I finished my shopping and got in line. I then noticed he was a couple rows over and smiling at me from checkout. In front of me was someone I know from the gym, and he was yapping about something...I don't know, maybe weather, maybe sports, maybe world affairs...anyway flirty guy was finished and wheeled past. He waved. I waved. My phone number was still in my pocket.

I got out of the store and saw him across the street, walking with his groceries. I loaded mine in the car and since he was going the same direction as I needed to go, I watched for him. I found him walking up the street where I had turned to head home. He saw me, smiled and watched me drive by. I parked, got out of the car and he came over. I said "Listen, I am flattered by all of your attention in the store. I would love to stand here and chat but I have to be somewhere very soon. Here's my cell number, I hope you'll call." He smiled and said "wow, that's sweet, but I have a boyfriend."

What?

So I sighed and said "well, you've got the number, do with it what you will. Throw it out, wrap your gum in it, call, text or send pictures." Thanks for all of the glances and smiles." He laughed and said "well you're very handsome and hard to resist. Sorry for the mixed signals." I smiled and said "yeah, me too, but it was nice chatting." I got back in my car and drove off. All the way around the corner to my house. As I was unloading groceries, he stopped at the corner and watched, then waved as we continued to walk on.

An hour later he sent me a text message.

We exchanged a few messages Sunday evening. Unsure what's up with his boyfriend, but I'm neighborly so I'll chat. I'll keep you posted.

I'm sad to report, there were no encounters with horny kitties on Sunday. Hopefully though, it's the start of a very interesting spring and summer.

Bad Jim

My nickname is Proper, but Dan finds this humorous and calls me "Not So Proper" because he knows the truth. I'm mostly proper but there are times when I have some of those less than proper moments. Friday night was one of those nights. Without going into too much detail, I'll share.

I was having a perfectly delightful evening out with Dan. We had some drinks and some laughs. He stepped away to go observe a demonstration that was happening in the lower level bar. I remained upstairs, uninterested in seeing some guy have long needles stuck into his chest and back. Call me crazy. I was about finished for the night when a friend from the past emerged. A guy with whom I'd chatted on a number of occasions but had not seen for over a year had come out of hiding. We chatted a while, things got a bit flirtatious. He insisted upon buying me another drink. Then another drink. Eventually he said "let's get out of here."

We got back to his house and proceeded to have a bit of fun. We played Yahtzee in the kitchen then made our way to the bedroom where we played checkers and then started a game of backgammon. But, all of the alcohol caught up with me and before we could start a game of Twister, I called a time out. Long story short, we were a couple of naked drunk guys writhing around on a bed without a purpose. We fell asleep eventually. A little after 5, I woke up, we attempted again to resume our game of Twister but the room began to spin and the games were over. My friend made sure I got home, perhaps we'll meet again sometime soon. If not, we'll always have some laughs about our night of fun.

Weekend

File Under: Fun

Sometimes everything just falls into place. This entire weekend did just that.

Friday night was a typical Jackhammer gathering. I met up with Steve, whose Chicago visit was winding down, but another night out was on his agenda. Steve lives part time in Miami and part time in Chicago so two weeks out of every month are spent here. Also joining us was Patrick, who has been MIA for a couple months. He had auditioned to be on "Big Brother" and was a finalist, so he was laying low, not only because he had a lot to do to prepare the application package, but because he'd have spilled the beans if he had been out drinking. Finally along for the ride was a new friend, Jim, who is Steve's neighbor. Our friend and bartender, Mark, took great care of us and we had hours of laughs. Working along side Mark was John, a bartender I've known for years and someone I consider a good friend. I haven't seen John in about a month and was surprised when he pulled a small package from his bag and wished me a Happy Birthday. He gave me a really nice leather rope necklace with some great beads on it.

Saturday was task day. I started off at the gym. I haven't been going as regularly as I like and I've been feeling kind of blob-ish as a result. I feel like I'm back to a routine and it feels great. Okay so I followed up my trip to the gym with a trip to Potbelly Sandwich Works, but at least I went to the gym. I then had the car washed, it needed it. Lastly, I stopped at Kiehl's. I love their skin products and use their facial cleanser and moisturizer. I received an offer to trade in my can of shaving cream for a tube of their shave product.

I fixed a great dinner. I cooked some grape tomatoes in olive oil with a bit of garlic and some fresh basil. I tossed in some whole wheat rotini pasta, then put a bit of parmesan cheese on top. Delicious! Later, I went out and met up with some friends, back at Jackhammer. My bartender for the night was John, and we spent a good part of the night reminiscing about our teen years, mine in Chicago, his in the burbs. It was a festive night with more laughs and good times.

Sunday, was a mix of tasks both in and out of the house. I began the purge of magazines that have been lingering in the magazine racks and also cleaning and reorganizing my storage room. Eventually I got outside and went to the gym and had another good workout. But it was so nice out, I decided to go and explore the neighborhood while getting some sun. I wandered down Clark Street, got some coffee at Starbucks. While walking, I was on the same path as a guy, both kept the same pace. It was odd but interesting. Eventually I struck up a conversation, and before I knew it, we were walking and talking...for an hour! At the end of the walk, we exchanged phone numbers.

Once home, it was back to tasks. I dug out the space bags and stored my winter blankets as well as some final winter clothing that I just picked up from the cleaners.

Over all, I'm calling it a very successful and enjoyable weekend.

What Does It All Mean??

File Under: Signs?

Prior to meeting Matthew, I didn't know who Diana Krall was. Okay, I'd heard the name, maybe I saw her on Martha Stewart's show or something but didn't think twice about her music. Matthew loves her, and so I came to appreciate her vocal stylings and recognize her voice. I downloaded a few songs as well as her Christmas album from iTunes.

So of course, everywhere I go now I hear her. In the grocery store. In Macy's. In Starbucks. In my own house! I was in my bedroom and my mom, who was in the kitchen baking holiday cookies, was listening to our public fine arts station and who was on last night? Uh-huh.

I went out last night, figured a night out would do me good. Back at my usual place, Jackhammer. I know a lot of the bartenders there, they take good care of me. it's close to home, casual and often fun. My friend John was working, we chatted all evening, I got hugs from him, and he kept my glass full.

I ran into another friend, who was there with someone we both know. I went over and talked to them and learned that these two have been "busy" for about 6 months. The one friend has actually been seeing someone for a couple months. So suffice it to say he's been very busy. They both came over to where I had been standing and had a drink, and proceeded to make out. They soon left together. The downward spiral of my mood went much faster at that point.

I wandered the bar for a while and saw nobody of interest, so I went home. The temperature had dropped dramatically since I had arrived, yet I decided to just walk since I had worn my ugly but warmest coat. Mind you, I was somewhat drunk so the fact that the 20 mph winds that were hitting my face weren't really bugging me too much, nor was I caring that the unshoveled walks were making the walk quite difficult. I was pissed off at the world and I just wanted to get home.

About 1/3 of the way home, up one of the streets I was passing, a man was singing at the TOP OF HIS LUNGS. Of all the songs he could be singing, he's singing "Chasing Pavements." That's Adele's song. The first couple of lines he sang I thought "gosh, from where do I know that song?" Then I hear "Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements..." At that point I screamed at the top of my lungs "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY???" The singing continued and he was walking my direction, behind me so yes, I heard quite a bit of his version of the song. I tied my hood tighter to try to muffle the sound, that didn't work. Finally I just ran.

Really, what are the odds? Why do THESE songs/artists keep popping up?

Take My Number, Please

File Under: Going for it

My previous post reminded me of something I did this morning.

Every day, my morning starts at Starbucks. I have been a customer of the Starbucks at Clark and Berwyn in Andersonville for (at least) 10 years. Monday thru Friday, I walk in at about 7 am, hand the nice person behind the counter my washed stainless steel mug, and they fill it with the magic elixer known as coffee. On those mornings when I'm working at my office in the neighborhood, I have time to sit. I see many of the same people every day.

One customer is a handsome guy who comes in and orders an iced coffee drink. After seeing him enough times, I started making eye contact and he would return it. Then it became eye contact and a smile, also returned. Some mornings I'd throw in a nod and/or a "hi." But I knew nothing about this guy. Was he just some polite guy who was comfortable with these exchanges with a stranger? Was he gay? Was he single?

A couple weeks ago when my friend Dave was in town, a bunch of us went to Jackhammer, a local drinking establishment. Dan and I met there 6 years ago and have spent so much time there, we should have a section of the bar named after us. But I digress...back to the night we were all out with Dave. I looked up again and iced coffee drink came in with someone. At least I was comfortable in believing that he's gay. I was near the service area so he saw me as he approached to buy a drink. We both smiled and said hello. I was a bit tongue-tied so I think I tried to make some sort of small talk. Later, he returned to where I was and stood by me so we chatted a bit. He said "I see you at Starbucks, don't I?" I said "yes, and I was going to say that's not coffee you're drinking!" We laughed (nervously, perhaps?) and talked a bit. His friend came over, I turned away a bit to chat with Patrick and Dave and turned back as iced coffee drink was kissing his friend, who then walked away. We continued to chat and I said something like "So your boyfriend had to leave?" He said "Oh no, that's just my best friend, he's leaving with someone and I was telling him to have fun and be careful." (YAY!) So there was more chatter, then he looked at his watch and said it was time for him to go.

The following Tuesday I saw him at Starbucks and we chatted a bit more than our previous morning encounters. Later that day, at work, I wrote on the back of one of my business cards "Let's have coffee, a drink or perhaps dinner sometime." I included my cell phone number. I didn't see him for over a week.

Today, he walked in while I was ahead of him in line. This meant we'd be at the cream and sugar station together. I took my time opening sugar packets and pouring cream. He approached, we chatted and I handed him the card and said "You know, you should call me sometime. Here's my number!" He said "oh, thanks!" and then proceeded to spill his coffee (he was attempting to swirl the cup to stir his drink but the lid wasn't on). It wasn't a full spill, but he sloshed some on his pants (yes, the front) and down his leg. I felt horrible but he quickly said "isn't the first time I've done that, guess I need to clean up." I helped tidy up the counter and he thanked me. I then went to sit down and he went into the bathroom to try to get some of the coffee off of his pants. When he left, he shrugged and smiled.

I feel a sense of accomplishment that I gave him my number, but he probably will associate me with spilled coffee and never call. But...you never know.

The Question

File Under: Questions People Ask

I went out last night. I rarely sit home on a Saturday night. Especially now, when the weather has been so bad and the weeknights are spent home because I don't want to lose my parking spot, the weekends are my opportunity to combat cabin fever. I went to my local hangout, Jackhammer. It's a comfortable little bar, it's close enough to home that I can walk there, the crowds are interesting and I know some of the bartenders so they take care of me. Last night some new faces were in the bar and on two occasions, I found myself in a conversation with nice guys. In both cases, I was asked "Do you have a boyfriend?" I said no. Then THE QUESTION "Why?"

After a momentary blank stare, my answer was the same as it always is, "I have no idea."

It's not like I'm not trying. I go out, I'm social. I put myself in situations where I should meet people. Some may say that I'm going to the wrong places. If that were true, then the places I'm going to would be empty because some people are meeting others in those places. I signed up for match.com. Dr. Phil's guarantee was that in 6 months I would meet someone. That'll teach me to trust Dr. Phil.

I suppose eventually I'll meet someone. I'll admit that I have high standards. I'm not going to lower them. I see no reason to settle just for the sake of having a boyfriend. But until I meet someone, I would prefer not to be asked why I don't have one.