Sunday, January 9, 2011

An Online Goodbye

My Dearest Anthony,

This is an open letter to you, as it serves as the "liner notes" to the CD I created for commemorate the time we spent together. I didn't have room on the disc itself to list my reasons for including these songs, so I will instead post them here and share with everybody the music I used to say goodbye.

Before I discuss the songs, I wanted to let you know that I will always cherish the time we spent together. You taught me how to love, how to live and how to look inside myself. I have asked myself over and over, knowing the outcome, would I do this all over again. That answer is a resounding yes. I can't imagine not knowing you. I can only hope that your answer would be the same.

I don't know what the future will hold for us. I do know that we will always be friends. I can't imagine not having you in my life in some capacity. As I told you, my home is your home, and it always will be. You always have a place to stay when (and yes, I said when!) you visit Chicago. As for "us," we are ending a chapter but I don't believe the book is finished. Only time will tell. We will both go on living our lives, but who's to say that the road won't take an unexpected turn or two? I've learned to never say never.

While it may sound cliche', let's not call this "goodbye." Let's instead say "see you later." When "later" may be, we just don't know right now.

Now, onto the music -

Some songs have meaning on their own...either a shared experience or a common interest. Some are included because there's a line or two in the song that expresses so well how I feel or have felt during our relationship. As articulate as I can be, sometimes songs say it better.

"King For A Day" - The Thompson Twins - shortly into our relationship we learned that we both loved The Thompson Twins. One morning at work, this song popped up on my iPod and the chorus stood out on my mind - "If I were king for just one day, I would give it all away. I would give it all away to be with you." I texted you those words, not just because I was hoping the reference would be caught, but also because it had quickly become how I felt about you.

"If You Leave" - OMD - This is just one of those mellodramatic songs from the 80's that became the anthem of a John Hughes film, but it popped up last week and the opening verse stood out - "If you leave, don't leave now, please don't take my heart away. I promise you just one more night, then we'll go on our separate ways." With that said, even though you won't physically be near me, you will not have left my heart.

"Crossfire" - Brandon Flowers - This is the first single from his solo CD, and we enjoyed his concert together. For me it was a really special night. I love the lyrics in this song. There's a line in the song that says "And when the hardest part is over we'll be here. And our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears." When I hear it, I get chills.

"One More Last Kiss" - Ivy - Ivy is a band who I was introduced to a few years ago by a former coworker. I quickly became a fan. This song is one that I think is so sad and beautiful. There isn't one line or verse that doesn't fit this situation. Last month I posted the lyrics to this song in my blog.

"Afterglow" - INXS - The line in the chorus "touch me and I will follow, in your afterglow. Heal me from all this sorrow, as I let you go. I will find my way when I see your eyes, now I'm living in your afterglow", could not be more perfect.

"Mad About You" - Belinda Carlisle - Whenever I hear this song and the line "Mad about you, lost in your eyes" is sung, I will forever think of all the time I spent staring into your beautiful blue eyes. At random, I texted this to you one afternoon and you quickly replied "I know that one, it's a Belinda song." I loved that you knew that.

"Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop." - Landon Pigg - I discovered this song kind of by accident. It was being used in a commercial but I never gave it a second thought aside from thinking the line "I think that possibly maybe I'm falling for you," is a really sweet, endearing line. Only after hearing the song did I connect with it. The song could not be more perfect unless it was called "falling in Love at Starbucks." Our first meeting was there, and I knew at that moment that I wanted to know all about you. "I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine, now I'm shining too."

"Don't Speak" - No Doubt - "I really feel like I'm losing a best friend. I can't believe this is the end." In such a short time, we connected and I feel like you've become one of my best friends. I don't believe this will change.

"I Think I Need Sleep" - The Go-Go's - So I'm sharing this song with you because not only is it a classic example of a Go-Go's song (happy sounding music, cute song title but angst-ridden lyrics), but there have been nights where I've fallen asleep only to dream about you. Mind you, not quite in the nightmare fashion as described on this song. Okay, I really just wanted to include a Go-Go's song. C'mon, you knew it was coming.

"More Than This" - Roxy Music - Bryan Ferry writes such beautiful lyrics. A prime example is this verse "It was fun for a while/There was no way of knowing/Like a dream in the night/Who can say where we're going"

"Sleeping to Dream" - Jason Mraz - This is a sweet song he performs live in concert. This I guess is the opposite story as told in the Go-Go's song. I'm drawn to the lyric "I found myself in the riches/Your eyes, your lips, your hair and you were everywhere/I woke up in the ditches, I hit the light and thought you might be here/But you were nowhere/Well you were nowhere. " Often after spending a couple nights in your bed, the next night at home I found myself missing you next to me. Thinking about that right now, I'm teary-eyed. Never have I slept so comfortably next to someone.

"Blue Kiss" - Jane Wiedlin - Talk about an seemingly obscure pick, aside from the fact that Jane has been a good friend to me over the years, this song was off of her first solo album back in 1985. The song starts with "A blue kiss, coloring me goodbye/A new kiss, could never feel so fine/Tomorrow I'll be living in black and white." I think no further explanation is necessary.

"Mr Brightside" - The Killers - There isn't really a lyric here that stands out, but the title is who I tried to be for you. Often after a bad day at work, or after a worrysome conversation about family, I did my best to be there for you and offer you an encouraging word or find the silver lining in the cloud. I hope my efforts offered you some peace of mind. I hope to still be able to do that for you, don't ever hesitate to call when you need some encouraging words.

"Live Your Life Be Free" - Belinda Carlisle - Sure I could cut to the chase and say that the reason I've included this is because the point of the song is someone pleading to another peson "you should be with me," but the real reason I've included it is because the overall message of the song is about doing what makes you happy and feel free. You're doing this, taking this leap of faith and embarking on a fabulous adventure. You are doing what the song title suggests. I envy your ability to do that.

"Head Over Heels" - Tears for Fears - Simply, the first line of the song says "I wanted to be with you alone, and talk about the weather." Flash back to our first meeting, sitting in Starbucks and you were so excited to show me what you do for a living. You took out your phone and started showing me apps, one of which was a weather app. Yes, I remember these things.

"I Will Take Care of You" - The Bangles - Yes, the other "all-girl" band. This song was off of their last CD and it such a pretty, quiet ballad. There is no one line or pair of lines I want to pick out and quote. I just love the sentiment of the entire song. Had the circumstances been different, I would take care of you. Yes, that includes keeping you safe from zombies. :)

"Ne Me Quitte Pas" - Belinda Carlisle - She's back. The song title translates to "If You Go Away." Even sung in French, you know this is someone who is saddened by the departure of someone she loves. Nothing more needs to be said about this song choice.

"Dream a Little Dream of Me" - Cass Elliott - Another simple, beautiful song with a title that says it all. I can only hope, as you move away, you will dream a little dream of me. Know that I will be dreaming a little dream of you.

Please know that while I could have included "My Heart Will Go On" by one Celine Dion, I emphatically refused to do so. I'm sappy and sentimental, but that's pushing it. :)

Right now, my heart hurts, a lot. It will for some time. I want you to know that I really felt that you were "the one." I dreamed of spending countless years with you instead of just a few months. I felt a connection to you that I've never felt before. Having said that, who knows where this crazy road will lead...

I wish you happiness, success and a grand adventure as you end your time in Chicago. Know that I will always be here to lend an ear, to be a voice of reason, and to cheer you on. I want nothing but the best of everything for you. I want you to know that I have no regrets over any of this, nor do I regret being the one to have said "I Love You." Please know that I felt loved the entire time we spent together.



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