Monday, January 10, 2011

24 (plus a few) Hours After...

Saturday evening, Anthony and I were supposed to go to dinner together. His plan was to dine downtown and have drinks at Trump Tower. Unfortunately he came down with a cold on Thursday and by Saturday, while he wasn't down for the count, he was tired. I sensed this in the late afternoon as we were returning home from a trek to Best Buy. I suggested we toss our dinner plans, order in and relax. He suggested we still go out, but dine in the neighborhood. We did, and had a nice dinner. Afterwards we stopped off at Marty's for a drink. The bar staff in there is so nice. As crowded as the place was, they made room for us at the bar. I credit my dear friend Steve with that. Having been in there with him enough times, they give me much the same sort of attention, which is pretty darn cool.

We came home, talked for a while, looked at pictures and went to bed. I won't lie, it was not an easy night for me to fall asleep, only because I was feeling emotional about it being our last night.

Sunday morning came and we were both kind of quiet. He gathered his things, I fetched us some coffee. He had made a reservation to meet a couple of his tech friends for brunch and I went along. While there, I had a signal on my phone that there was a Facebook message.

Belinda Carlisle
sending you my thoughts and lots of love....xxxx
Yesterday at 10:38am ·LikeUnlike · Comment · View Feedback (16)Hide Feedback (16) · See Friendship

I about fell over. I gasped and Anthony asked what was wrong. I showed him the post and he had a very similar reaction.

Brunch was nice, but it was over quickly. Now it was time for him to come back, gather his things and get to the airport. My very sweet friend Tina graciously offered to drive him. He was unable to secure a ride from any of his friends so he gladly accepted Tina's offer. I chose not to go. We spent a few minutes saying a quiet goodbye, then Tina was here. Before I knew it, the car was driving away. He was gone.

Earlier in the week, Tina asked me if I wanted to be alone that evening or if she should "gather the flock." I chose not to be alone. Shortly after, she had taken care of everything and told me where to be and at what time. Since Steve was hosting, he told me I could come as early as I wanted. I chose to go over there after Anthony left. I'm glad I did, it was nice visiting with him.

At about 5, the rest of the troops arrived, each with bags filled with stuff. Dips and chips. Drinks and mixers. And there was laughter, lots of it. It was nice. No, it was amazing. A perfectly casual evening spent with a group of people I love like family.

In hindsight, I should have done more to integrate Anthony into the group. We all went out a couple times, but not often enough. I feel bad that I wasn't more assertive with wanting to do more things with my friends. It has always been my nature to try to please everybody. In this case, I guess I felt obligated to please Anthony, figuring my friends were already pleased. Anyway, in true fashion, they were and are there for me. When I could have been at home and feeling like crap, they made sure that didn't happen.

Today was orientation. I present benefits information to the new hires on a monthly basis. I woke up feeling really good, but my mood quickly spiraled into sadness. I wanted to just stay home but I couldn't. I had actually alerted my co-presenter and my area HR Director that I might not be up to presenting. Both understood and had a plan in place to cover for my absence. As it turned out, the presentation went well, nobody knew anything was wrong, except that I kept losing my voice.

The remainder of the workday was relatively uneventful. The few who were "in the know" were asking how I was doing. That made me a little sad.

It's nearing bedtime and I feel pretty good about things. In my mind I'm at peace with everything. My heart still hurts and it will for some time. I think Anthony's will too. I know that we'll both be fine. I certainly will, my friends will see to it.

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