Friday, February 15, 2008

Anti-Valentine's Day

File Under: "Holidays" I don't like

I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day.

I've been single for quite some time. The last time I dated someone when a V-Day occurred was 5 years ago. It was nice to be with someone, get the heart shaped box of chocolates, give him a gift, have a nice evening together and then wake up next to him the next morning.

When you've had a taste of it, you miss it. Maybe you miss it even if you've never sampled it.

The first two weeks of February, leading up to that day, it's all you hear about. Commercials showing happy couples in love, friends and coworkers talking about their plans for the day, even the romantic songs on the radio seem just a bit louder than the others.

I work in Human Resources. At work, festivities were planned and the memo said "wear red." I struggled to comply. I wanted to wear all black. I managed to wear grey, my turtleneck sweater had a red stripe around the collar and cuffs. At work I smiled and politely said "thank you" when I was wished a happy V-Day. One of my bosses gave me a card and a box of conversation hearts. That was nice. Another coworker made handmade cards that were holders for Hershey's chocolate bars. Mid-day I was finally feeling a bit festive and I sent one of my friends a text message wishing her a Happy V-Day. She called, she was happy to hear from me. Towards the end of the day, I felt pretty good about it. The anxiety of it was fading.

I went to the gym last night. My phone was at home charging. When I got home I had a text message from a friend. This is someone who, at one time I fawned over and had quite the crush on him. I consider him a good friend and I think he considers me a good friend. The message I received simply said "Happy Valentine's Day, honey." I about lost it. No harm intended on his part, just a sweet message. A message that put me back to the beginning of the day when I wished I had worn all black and didn't have to talk to anybody. So, I held true to tradition and played Belinda Carlisle's song "Valentine," shed a couple tears and called it a night. The chorus of the song says:

I know that I'm
Fighting this love in vain
The sun's been shining for a week
but it just feels like rain.

I know you're not mine
You're somebody else's flame
But when those hearts and flowers fade
Oh my darling, look my way.

One day later, I feel much better. It's Friday, it's been a long week and I'm going out for a drink. Alone, and okay with it.

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