It's Springtime and The Kitties Are Horny

I have a feeling that seeing "Horny Kitty" in my title will make Dan giggle. That's because it relates to someone we used to see at our hangout, The Jackhammer, from time to time. When you're a regular, you spot the other regulars and semi-regulars or the "irregulars." One guy in particular would come in with his friends, all dolled up for a night on the town. He was tanned, had his hair all whooped up and usually wore either a tight t-shirt or button down shirt with most of the buttons unbuttoned. In other words, he was looking for some action. His technique was very forward. He would focus on someone he wanted to know better and get really close and rub up against them. One night he did this to Dan. It was rather humorous to watch. Dan read him like a book and played along for a while but grew increasingly impatient with him. I leaned in and said "he's like a horny kitty - MEOWWWWWW!" Dan and I both laughed, while the guy was boucing around and doing his mating dance for Dan and a number of other guys in close proximity. And each time he would rub up against another guy, I'd let out another meow, much like a cat in heat.

I think the warmer weather brings out the "horny kitty" in a lot of people. Well, in everybody, though they express it differently. Some are very obvious about it, rubbing up against everyone to let them know that it's mating season. Others take a more indirect approach as the stalk their potential mates until they find the right time to approach. But it's definitely happening now.

Case in point - I went out Friday evening, to Jackhammer, to have a couple drinks and see my friends. I ran into a few, and then I started making new friends. From across the bar, a handsome guy caught my eye and winked. I smiled. He was with someone so his flirtation was taking place when the guy he was with was looking away or had stepped away. I was flattered, so I smiled and okay, maybe I winked back. This went on for over an hour. Then I was closer to them, and I heard their conversation with the bartender so I made a comment. Immediately I was invited over to participate in their conversation. Turns out they were visiting from out of state. They found the bar on the recommendation of others they had met in boystown the previous night. Well, I love out of towners, I find it so interesting to hear the stories of their experiences in the city. The three of us had a nice conversation. And yes, the flirting continued, the other one seemed oblivious to it. They shared with me the fact that they were both 29. Eventually I took them to the downstairs bar, their curiousity got the best of them and they wanted to see what was going on. Let's just say it's a friendly part of the bar. We stayed a few minutes. There was potential for things to become *ahem* much more friendly but I decided to keep things a little more "proper." We eventually went upstairs and then to the bar next door. They each had a drink and decided it was time to go back to their hotel. The end of a fun and friendly evening.

Saturday, I went to the grocery store. I had a short list. Good thing, because I had to be to dinner at Dan and Luis' in 90 minutes. I turned down an aisle and noticed a handsome guy pushing his cart ahead of me. I continued down the aisle, he turned and smiled. I smiled back. When I continued up the next aisle, he was at the end of it, watching me approach. He was smiling. I smiled again and nodded. A couple more turns, there he was again, all smiles and watching me. Okay, I knew this wasn't a fluke, I knew someone wasn't behind me, but I hadn't decided what to do next. All I knew is that I had to get finished because I was on a schedule. So I went down an aisle, stopped and wrote my phone number on a slip of paper. I had it folded and in my hand so that the next time I passed him, I would hand it to him. I turned up the aisle and he wasn't there. I searched a couple more aisles and he was gone. I finished my shopping and got in line. I then noticed he was a couple rows over and smiling at me from checkout. In front of me was someone I know from the gym, and he was yapping about something...I don't know, maybe weather, maybe sports, maybe world affairs...anyway flirty guy was finished and wheeled past. He waved. I waved. My phone number was still in my pocket.

I got out of the store and saw him across the street, walking with his groceries. I loaded mine in the car and since he was going the same direction as I needed to go, I watched for him. I found him walking up the street where I had turned to head home. He saw me, smiled and watched me drive by. I parked, got out of the car and he came over. I said "Listen, I am flattered by all of your attention in the store. I would love to stand here and chat but I have to be somewhere very soon. Here's my cell number, I hope you'll call." He smiled and said "wow, that's sweet, but I have a boyfriend."

What?

So I sighed and said "well, you've got the number, do with it what you will. Throw it out, wrap your gum in it, call, text or send pictures." Thanks for all of the glances and smiles." He laughed and said "well you're very handsome and hard to resist. Sorry for the mixed signals." I smiled and said "yeah, me too, but it was nice chatting." I got back in my car and drove off. All the way around the corner to my house. As I was unloading groceries, he stopped at the corner and watched, then waved as we continued to walk on.

An hour later he sent me a text message.

We exchanged a few messages Sunday evening. Unsure what's up with his boyfriend, but I'm neighborly so I'll chat. I'll keep you posted.

I'm sad to report, there were no encounters with horny kitties on Sunday. Hopefully though, it's the start of a very interesting spring and summer.

Mom's words, not mine

There's someone who Tweets "Shit my dad says," and the comments are hilarious. It made me think that my mom says some pretty funny stuff. Her comments are a bit more verbose than Twitter's 140 allowed characters so instead, I'll share her comments with you, here. Keep in mind that mom will be 78 in December. She's able to get around, and she drives. She goes to the grocery store on Saturday mornings, often she comes back with stories.

One Saturday, she arrived home and as she often is, she was perplexed with her shopping experience. Our closest grocery store is Jewel. It's a regional chain, our store is one of their smaller stores. As you can imagine, Saturdays are busy days in the store. Apparently at the point she arrived, so did a van carrying handicapped adults, most of whom were in scooters. The scene, as she described it is as follows:

"I'm just trying to get my shopping done, I wanted to get in, get my groceries and come home. The aisles are small, and I kept running into these people on those damn scooters. I know I'm slow but COME ON, why do they have to be here when the entire neighborhood is shopping? I got to the end of one aisle and there's one of them, he's a big one, and he's slumped over in his scooter. I thought maybe he was dead. I said "excuse me," then said it again but he didn't move. I needed to get past him. The sticker on the back of his scooter read "I MATTER." I finally pushed through with my cart and said "I MATTER TOO, NOW GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED WAY!" I was so mad."

I would like to say that I was stunned, but this is typical. I just said "mom, you did NOT say that to him!" She paused and finally said "well, no...BUT I WANTED TO!"

I think she would have, had she waited much longer.

Shopping with Z

File Under: Family fun

My Mom, whom I often refer to as "Z," goes grocery shopping every Saturday. She takes the car and goes to the local Jewel and shops for the week. She comes home from the store, I unload the car, and then we unpack the bags. During this time she usually complains about people in the store. Today's story is one of the better ones.

According to Z, "Today must have been, bring your scooter to the store day because there were all these people blocking the aisles, getting in my way. One guy had a tag on his that said 'I Count.' He was slumped over in his scooter, not moving and he was in the middle of the aisle. Well I count too, buddy, so get out of my God damned way!"

Whether she actually said that to him, I don't know. Would I put it past her? No.

She went on to say "I do feel bad for those people but the would get a little more compassion out of me if they didn't shop when I was trying to get my shopping done."

Perhaps this will help you all understand a bit better from where I get my odd take on things.