Mom's words, not mine

There's someone who Tweets "Shit my dad says," and the comments are hilarious. It made me think that my mom says some pretty funny stuff. Her comments are a bit more verbose than Twitter's 140 allowed characters so instead, I'll share her comments with you, here. Keep in mind that mom will be 78 in December. She's able to get around, and she drives. She goes to the grocery store on Saturday mornings, often she comes back with stories.

One Saturday, she arrived home and as she often is, she was perplexed with her shopping experience. Our closest grocery store is Jewel. It's a regional chain, our store is one of their smaller stores. As you can imagine, Saturdays are busy days in the store. Apparently at the point she arrived, so did a van carrying handicapped adults, most of whom were in scooters. The scene, as she described it is as follows:

"I'm just trying to get my shopping done, I wanted to get in, get my groceries and come home. The aisles are small, and I kept running into these people on those damn scooters. I know I'm slow but COME ON, why do they have to be here when the entire neighborhood is shopping? I got to the end of one aisle and there's one of them, he's a big one, and he's slumped over in his scooter. I thought maybe he was dead. I said "excuse me," then said it again but he didn't move. I needed to get past him. The sticker on the back of his scooter read "I MATTER." I finally pushed through with my cart and said "I MATTER TOO, NOW GET OUT OF MY GOD DAMNED WAY!" I was so mad."

I would like to say that I was stunned, but this is typical. I just said "mom, you did NOT say that to him!" She paused and finally said "well, no...BUT I WANTED TO!"

I think she would have, had she waited much longer.

Stimulating the Economy

File Under: Can you feel it?

My mom's television has been dying a slow death. What pisses me off about that is the fact that the TV is maybe 5 years old. It wasn't top of the line but I expected it to last a bit longer. Anyway, it didn't and given that Z is retired and spends a lot of time at home watching TV, I can't have her without one, mainly because I don't need her hanging out in my room watching my TV when I'm not home. So instead of putting a lock on my bedroom door, I bought her a new TV tonight. I even set it up and it's working. She's now modern, she's got a 26" flat panel LCD HD television. What's funny is that it looks about the same size as the previous television and it was only 19". Needless to say she's thrilled and can't believe the picture quality.

Now I just have to haul the old one out of here.

Shopping with Z

File Under: Family fun

My Mom, whom I often refer to as "Z," goes grocery shopping every Saturday. She takes the car and goes to the local Jewel and shops for the week. She comes home from the store, I unload the car, and then we unpack the bags. During this time she usually complains about people in the store. Today's story is one of the better ones.

According to Z, "Today must have been, bring your scooter to the store day because there were all these people blocking the aisles, getting in my way. One guy had a tag on his that said 'I Count.' He was slumped over in his scooter, not moving and he was in the middle of the aisle. Well I count too, buddy, so get out of my God damned way!"

Whether she actually said that to him, I don't know. Would I put it past her? No.

She went on to say "I do feel bad for those people but the would get a little more compassion out of me if they didn't shop when I was trying to get my shopping done."

Perhaps this will help you all understand a bit better from where I get my odd take on things.