DANCE!

File Under: With The Stars

The new cast of "Stars" for the new season of Dancing With The Stars was announced today. This summary is courtesy of The Chicago Tribune's Red Eye Newspaper:

KIM KARDASHIAN Actress, model and reality television star Kim Kardashian shot to stardom after the first airing of her hit E! reality series, “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” The series follows the exploits of Kim, her siblings, her mother, Kris, and her stepfather, Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner. Kardashian recently completed her first feature film, “Disaster Movie,” and will also be seen on The N’s series “Beyond the Break.” Partner: Defending champ Mark Ballas, who returns for his third season.

I'm so not excited about this contestant. I don't consider her a "star" but suppose she's being brought on to attract the trashy reality television fans. I guess it could have been worse, the could have invited Tila Tequila or Danny Bonaduce to be on the show. She did get a good partner, it'll be interesting to see if he can work around her big ass.

LANCE BASS Lance Bass has sold over 50 million records as a member of the phenomenally successful pop group *NSYNC. He also executive-produced and starred in a number of film and television projects. In 2002 he successfully trained to be a cosmonaut at Russia’s Star City and was certified by both the Russian Space Program and NASA for a mission aboard a Soyuz capsule. Lance has released his memoir, Out of Sync, for Simon Spotlight Entertainment. Partner: 2006 U.S. Youth Latin Champ and 2007 World Swing Dance Champ Lacey Schwimmer teams with Lance to make her series debut.

Aww...Lance. I always found him cute and liked him more when he came out. I want him to do well and think he will.

TONI BRAXTON The winner of six Grammy Awards, Toni Braxton is a Billboard chart-topping singer and actress, selling over 40 million records worldwide. Her U.S. No. 1 hit, "Un-Break My Heart," is the second-biggest single by a female artist in history. She has also appeared in two Disney Broadway shows, “Beauty and the Beast” and Aida.” “Dancing with the Stars” marks her return to the spotlight after a six-month health hiatus. Partner: Season One champion Alec Mazo, who returns for his fourth season.

Okay, so she'll be the "Marie Osmond" of the bunch. Just coming off of a "health hiatus," watch for her to faint at some point or be dragged off in an ambulance. I hope she doesn't "unbreak" something.

BROOKE BURKE A host, actress, entrepreneur and celebrity mom, Brooke Burke has truly done it all. She has graced numerous magazine covers, has her own top-selling swimsuit calendars and is regularly ranked in men's magazines as one of the sexiest women in the world. Recognized worldwide as host of the hit travel series "Wild On!," Brooke has since hosted several high profile network series, including "Rock Star: INXS" and "Rock Star: Supernova." On the acting front, she has guest starred on such television series as "Las Vegas," "Less than Perfect," "Eve," "It's All Relative," "The Bernie Mac Show," "Monk," "Rock Me Baby" and "That's Life." Brooke is a mother of four and recently launched her own babystore, BabooshBaby.com, a site where she shares her secrets (and some products she used) to get back in shape after giving birth. Partner: Derek Hough, who returns for his third season.

Yawn. *sigh* No comment.

ROCCO DISPIRITO The James Beard Award-winning celebrity chef and author Rocco DiSpirito combines his world-class cooking with a passion for empowering home cooks. A graduate of the Culinary Institute of America, Rocco opened the three-star Union Pacific in New York City in 1997. In 2003 he launched Rocco’s for the reality series “The Restaurant.” Rocco will next appear on the A&E series “Rocco Gets Real,” beginning in October, along with its companion cookbook, Rocco Gets Real: Cook at Home Every Day. Partner: Karina Smirnoff, who returns for her fifth season.

Okay...YUMMY! I hope he's hot on the dance floor because I want him to be around for a while. His partner is cute, they should be fun to watch.

MAURICE GREENE The winner of two gold medals in the 100m sprint and the 4x100m relay at the 2000 Sydney Summer Olympics, track star Maurice Greene was dubbed the “World’s Fastest Man” during his career. In addition to being the former world record holder in the 100m sprint and winning multiple world championships, he also won silver and bronze medals at the 2004 Athens Summer Olympics. He is the current Indoor World Record holder in the 60m at 6.39 seconds. Partner: Two-time champion Cheryl Burke. Cheryl returns for her sixth season.

Mmmkay, an athlete. Yeah, okay, fine. He's got a good partner though, kind of cocky but she's been a winner a couple times so maybe she's allowed to be cocky.

CLORIS LEACHMAN Actress Cloris Leachman’s storied career has been recognized with nine Emmys, a Golden Globe and an Academy Award. She has the distinction of being the only woman to win eight Primetime Emmy Awards and one Daytime Emmy. Cloris has starred in a wide range of theater, television and motion picture projects, creating such indelible characters as Phyllis in the TV series “Phyllis” and “The Mary Tyler Moore Show,” Frau Blucher in “Young Frankenstein,” Nurse Diesel in “High Anxiety” and Ruth Popper in “The Last Picture Show” (for which she won an Oscar and a BAFTA). In 2008 she has already completed three new films, “The Women,” “American Cowslip” and “New York I Love You.” She is in the process of writing her memoir and is currently touring the U.S. with her one-woman show, “CLORIS!” Partner: World Latin Champion and Mark’s father, Corky Ballas, who makes his series debut.

I ADORE Cloris Leachman. I hope she'll do well and be safe. She's 82 years old! I will be nervous to see her dance, hope she doesn't break a hip. She'll be fun.

CODY LINLEY Cody Linley will be the youngest contestant ever to compete on “Dancing with the Stars.” He is best known for his role as Jake Ryan on the wildly popular Disney Channel series “Hannah Montana,” a role in which he was nominated for a Young Artist Award. He also helped the show garner an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Children’s Programming. Cody’s film credits include “My Dog Skip,” “HOOT,” "Miss Congeniality" and "Cheaper By the Dozen.” Partner: 2-time “Dancing with the Stars” champ Julianne Hough, who returns for her fourth season.

Who? He's got a cute partner though. I wonder if he'll pop a woody the first time he has to dance with her in front of a live audience. I mean he's all of 18 years old...he's a walking pile of hormones. Unless he's gay, just being near a cute gal with perky tits in a skimpy clingy outfit will cause him to pop his load in his spandex dance pants. Okay sorry, that was crude. :)

SUSAN LUCCI As the most famous face in daytime television history, Susan Lucci has held audiences spellbound for years as the sexy, sassy, beautiful "woman you love to hate," Erica Kane, on ABC’s “All My Children.” In May 1999, all of America stood and cheered when Susan won the Emmy Award for Best Actress. While competing on the show, she will continue her work on “All My Children,” and will celebrate her 10,000th episode this November. In addition to her performances on Broadway and in cabarets across the country, Susan is an entrepreneur, having launched successful cosmetic, fashion and jewelry lines on HSN. Partner: Tony Dovolani, who returns for his sixth season.

Not as hot as Cameron Mathison but I'll enjoy seeing Erika Kane twirl and twist on the dancefloor.

MISTY MAY-TREANOR Beach Volleyball champion Misty May-Treanor and partner Kerri Walsh captured their second Olympic gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics and became the first team ever to repeat as back-to-back champs. The victory also marked their 108th straight match win. Misty and Kerri were distinguished as AVP Team of the Year for four consecutive years (2003 through 2006). Misty was also named Most Valuable Player in 2005 and 2006, Best Offensive Player in 2004, 2005 and 2006, and Best Defensive Player in 2006. Partner: Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who returns for his fifth season.

Another athlete. Watch for a "sports" themed number if she sticks around for a while. She's dancing with Maksim, who I think is delicious. Glad he's back. It won't be the same energy as he had with Melanie Brown (Scary Spice). After a couple of their numbers I needed a moment alone.

TED MCGINLEY Actor Ted McGinley’s extensive television credits include “Married … with Children,” “Hope & Faith,” "Happy Days," and recurring roles on the critically-acclaimed series “The West Wing,” “Sports Night,” “Charlie Lawrence,” “Dynasty” and “The Love Boat." He has also starred in such films as “Pearl Harbor,” “Daybreak,” “Dick,” “Major League: Back to the Minors,” “Wayne’s World 2” and the cult hit "Revenge of the Nerds." Partner: Newcomer Inna Brayer, the current U.S. Amateur 10 Dance Champion.

I always thought Ted McGinley was kind of cute, but I find him kind of boring. He's the "jump the shark" guy, whenever he's brought onto a show, it suffers. Hmm...

JEFFREY ROSS Comedian Jeffrey Ross, a.k.a. the "Roastmaster General," has delivered numerous show stopping performances at celebrity roasts honoring the likes of William Shatner, Hugh Hefner, Donald Trump, Pamela Anderson, Bob Saget and Emmitt Smith, inspiring New York Magazine to crown him "The Meanest Man in Comedy.” As a comic, Jeff has appeared on several late night and morning shows -- “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and “The View.” Jeff’s other TV credits include "Weeds" and "C.S.I." He has also appeared in such films as the Farrelly Brothers' "Stuck on You,” and the critical sensation "The Aristocrats." Jeff continues to tour regularly. Partner: Edyta Sliwinska, who is the only pro to compete in all seven seasons of “Dancing with the Stars.”

Oh goody, a comedian. At least it's not Carrot Top.

WARREN SAPP Recently retired defensive tackle and Superbowl Champion Warren Sapp played for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Oakland Raiders during his 13-year career. His 96.5 career sacks are the second-highest career total sacks for a defensive tackle in the NFL. Warren was named NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 1999, played in seven consecutive Pro Bowls and won Super Bowl XXXVII with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in 2003. This fall he will co-host Showtime’s “Inside the NFL” and will be a studio analyst and game commentator for the NFL Network. Partner: Kym Johnson, who returns for her fifth season.

Another athlete? Jeez...don't really know him, can't comment.

I think we're in for an interesting season. I still have difficulty identifying all of the dances and knowing what to watch for but I enjoy the show and will do my best to summarize each week and perhaps provide some clever commentary.

It all starts September 22. Consider yourself warned. :-)