File Under: Sleeping to dream
I don't remember many of my dreams, probably 20 percent of them. This morning I had one that woke me out of my sound sleep.
I heard a chime that was apparently my cell phone telling me I had a text message. I looked at it, it was from Matthew. He said "Wishing an old friend a Good Afternoon. Hope you are well. I miss you." I read the message and slammed the phone back down on my table, contemplating how to answer it. Then another chime rang and that's where I actually woke up and was wide awake. Luckily it was at 5:20 this morning, close to when my alarm normally goes off so I wasn't too mad about missing any sleep.
This week is the last I know of Matthew's schedule. I knew he had a work trip to Munich, for which he left on Sunday. The text of the dream message made sense as it would have been afternoon in Munich when it was received. And it was just like the text messages that he would often send to me (well, not the "old friend" part, but the "I miss you") when he was traveling.
After a couple minutes, I actually picked up the phone to see if it had been a dream. It was.
I guess I still have questions about why things happened the way they did. From time to time, I wonder if he has regrets. I wonder if he thinks of me. I'm fully confident in saying that if he were to call or send a note asking me to see him again, I wouldn't. But, given the opportunity to talk to him, I would. I think I would hope that he would ask me to forgive him and give him another chance. There's a certain amount of pleasure I would get from hearing him out, then looking at him and saying "No, I don't think so. Sorry."
Anyway, it will never happen, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it.
I know...let it go. I have, really.