File Under: Tongue-untied
Yesterday on my way home from work, I called him. He was already home from work. I asked how his back was feeling. "Better, thanks." I asked how his cold was "It's better, still sinusey and I'm not certain it a cold, may just be allergies." I then said "How are we?" "We're fine." He got my apologies which he deemed "not necessary." I was told to let him sulk when he's mad.
That's fine, now I know. But...if I'm being told there's something wrong, then I'm either going to defend my actions, or if I know I've done something wrong, I'm going to apologize. There's no way I'm going to leave things unspoken.
I'm a communicator. I provide information, I provide feedback. I want feedback. I'm not used to dealing with someone who is mum. If I'm over-stepping my boundaries, I want to know. If I'm not doing something, I want to know. It's a talk we need to have.
It's a learning process...it's something that we will improve on, over time.
Thanks to those of you who asked, I appreciate your concern.
XO
9 comments:
thank goodness you guys are ok, cuz I cannot take any more sorrow, ok? ;)
and as far as your communicating skills, I'm sending my husband to YOUR house for some skoolin!!! ;)
I'm like you on this, Jim, so I know how that is. My ex-husband would never discuss anything and would shut me out. I felt so lonely - more than when I was alone. It's so much better to have things out in the open and be able to discuss them. That way they don't build up and become bigger than they are.
I'm so glad things are OK now and that you are learning more about each other.
Many hugs!!
I am happy to hear things are better. Your man sounds like me - sometimes (actually, most of the time) I just don't want to talk about it.
Your way makes much more sense - and is much smarter. But sometimes guys are dumb.
XOXOXOXOXO
I am still up for kicking some ass!
But then again, you have seen me chase a man out of a bar with my belt for insulting someone I know.
I'll keep you posted, Dan. I know it's been a while since you've had the pleasure. And yes, I recall the belt incident very well.
Ahhhhh yes, the famous "Sounding Board Syndrome". Hmmmm, ok - first of all, glad you got it worked out. Second of all, you my darling, are a 'fixer'. Sometimes we 'fixers' need to learn how to just be 'sounding boards' - just to listen and let it flow. This is an exceptionally hard concept for those of us who are convinced it's our job to fix things when those we care about start the verbal agenda of things that are broken or that are bothering them. I must say that I still struggle with this every day. Sometimes DH just wants to "say things out loud", and not have me edit/fix/comment. All he wants is for me to listen and sympathize - and this goes against my nature, but even after all this time I still try. Of course, I doubt I will ever master the skill of 'listening without fixing' but I'm trying and he can see that and appreciates it. In other words, I bite my tongue alot hahahahha. Keep us posted and let me know if I'm close here - are you a 'fixer' and he sometimes wants you to be a 'sounding board'?
Sycamore, you may very well be on to something. I'm a total fixer. Dan can vouch for that. I will remember your kind advice and do my best to practice it the next time a similar situation arises. Thanks, and welcome to the fold. :)
Dan chased a guy out of a bar with his belt? Wow.
Just so I can vividly imagine the scene, which bar?
Jackhammer. Some guy insulted one of our friends. Dan went after him. As he was walking out the door, I saw him unbuckle his belt and pull it from the loops of his jeans. I looked out and saw Dan following the guy. But then I realized that there were drinks and cash on the bar and I didn't wnat us to lose our places at the bar or our booze and cash. I don't think Dan actually hit the guy with his belt but they may have exchanged words. Not that Dan wouldn't do that for his friends. I love that about him.
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