Thursday, December 11, 2008

Where's the On/Off Switch

Explain this to me, please. How does someone go from "I can't wait until I'm on vacation in two weeks so that I can make dinner for you every night?" to "This relationship isn't in a place where I think it should be at this point."

I don't get it. This isn't the first time I've met someone who seems to have an on/off switch. Not even a dimmer switch, it goes from ON to OFF.

I want one.

I also want sleep.

I've been to the kitchen and looked out the window. It's not an exciting view. I went to the living room and sat on the sofa for a while. I curled up with Mistletoe Bear and had the first real cry.

Bless Dan and Luis. Dan was the first person I called after it happened and he told me to come over. The three of us talked for about an hour. Deep down, I know this isn't my fault, it's not something I did, but I feel like I've been taken on this ride and pushed out of a moving vehicle far from home.

Past relationships and entanglements (not significant enough to call them relationships) taught me to keep my guard up. I generally fall fast and I fall hard. I went into this with Matthew with the intention of treading lightly. But when someone says to you "it would be fun to explore new places with you, I wish you would get a passport because I keep getting sent to these great places and I have nobody to enjoy them with," or "I wanted you to feel at home at my place when you spend the night so I bought your identical linen set," it kind of makes it difficult to keep ones' guard up.

Don't get me started on the song (see post 11/21).

I fell for him. I love him and now he wants nothing to do with me.

Makes me wonder why I have trust issues.

3 comments:

Beth said...

awwww Hon...look. I don't know "him" ( I can't say his name) so I won't bash him and call him a jerk, even tho I want to call him a jerk, cuz that's what he's being right now.....but it's HIS loss Babe. You are a wonderful funny loving man and anyone would be blessed to have you in thier life. I'm so sorry that you are sad. It's not fair and it sucks balls right now....I love you Hon. Hang in there. I'm thinkin about ya.

Marker said...

Beth is too kind . . . I'm going to do a little (unsolicited) trashing.

"This relationship isn't in a place where I think it should be at this point."

WTF does that mean? Weak weak weak. Talk about a cop-out. Note that the subject of that sentence is "this relationship". Way to blame "this relationship" and avoid responsibility. A non-wuss would've had the decency and cojones to make "I" the subject of the sentence when dumping you.

Joy said...

I agree with Marker. You expressed that well.