File Under: Therapy Music
Today I was commuting between offices, listening once again to "Unforgiven." I decided to listen to the next song on the CD. It's a song called "Apology," and the lyrics meant more to me today than they ever have. While the entire song doesn't precisely describe my situation, they're pretty close. This is the first lyric and the chorus:
I will find a way to move on.
Discontent has had its stay,
the pleasure's gone.
If you asked me to describe,
what I could want with all I've got
I'd say "good days, and thank-you's"
Instead of all these question marks.
When I found you, I thought my life
was charmed and we'd be safe from what
has happened now, has happened now.
Apology - I'm sorry
Apology - Oooh, I'm sorry
Apology - I'm sorry but I have no regrets.
Music and Lyrics by Valentine/Heatherton
Now a couple notes. The name Heatherton, above, is actually a close friend of mine. She lives in Los Angeles. She was in a band, their first batch of songs were produced by Kathy Valentine of The Go-Go's. Heatherton brought a song called "Train" to the studio. Kathy loved the melody and the song and asked Heatherton if she could rework the song for the Go-Go's upcoming album. Heatherton was honored and of course let her use the song. It's one of my favorite songs on the CD.
I mentioned in my letter to Matthew that we failed to communicate. The Tuesday before he dumped me, I found myself questioning whether the relationship was worth all of the unanswered questions and the constant wondering what was on his mind. So when I was listening to the song today and singing along with the lyrics, I realized how much I could relate to those words. :)
I'm doing better. I'm processing stuff, getting past it all. Blogging has helped. :)
3 comments:
I found myself questioning whether the relationship was worth all of the unanswered questions and the constant wondering what was on his mind.
There you have it - the answer to that question is NEVER EVER EVER yes. Sorry to be such an annoying broken record, but I have so been there. When you find yourself trying to figure out what he is thinking (and driving yourself mad like a batshit boy-crazy 13 year-old in the process) . . . RED FLAG.
Oh honey, "sorry" is not necessary. I welcome all of the feedback. If I didn't, I wouldn't be posting this stuff.
I know, you're exactly right. But in the back of my mind, I was just waiting...assuming that some magic moment will arrive, and he will open up and we'll communicate about everything and bring the relationship to this new, amazing level. Hence my draft post about "patience."
The rational me says that it's all a learning experience, and this is just better preparing me for the next adventure. Dan very wisely reminded me that when the next time happens, I need to be upfront about what I expect as far as communication.
It's all good, onward and upward, like I've been saying. However after a day of being really upbeat, tonight I found myself feeling a bit blue. Oh well.
I love your blogging.Not that I'm wishing you regular breakups....
Keep writing and I'll keep reading as will many others I'm sure.
xoxoxo charlie
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