File Under: People say stupid things
People = me
Last night I was on the phone with Matthew, who was rehashing his bad day and the concerns on his mind. In my mind I was thinking how everything he was discussing was interconnected and how it could potentially be complicated. Instead I said "Wow, you're complicated." I didn't even think about the fact that I hadn't verbally expressed my thoughts as intended. He became offended and abruptly ended the call and then sent me a text message indicating that he was hurt by my comment. I called him back he didn't answer.
If you haven't figured things out by now, I'm completely neurotic and a bit of a social retard when it comes to relationships. I was horrified and went to bed hypervantalating, completely convinced that I've ruined everything.
I didn't sleep much last night. I got up at about 1 and composed a very carefully worded apology, and I emailed it to him. He keeps a Blackberry for work so I knew he would see that it came in when he got up this morning. He hasn't replied to it but my first text message from him was a traffic alert for an area he thought was close to my office. I replied right back (I never fell into a deep sleep) and thanked him for the alert.
I'm still sad about my foolish mistake and hope he'll realize that it wasn't intentional. There's not much else I can do to express this to him.
I chose to wear a blue sweater to work today, it matches both my mood and the giant bags under my eyes.